So this is what you have missed

I was wheeled into surgery at 7:40 am on Friday June 28, 2013. My first recollection after that time was noticing that the clock now read 5:11pm and I was quite loopy and in the recovery area. As I was being wheeled down to a separate wing of the hospital, I was told that the medicine I was feeling would be lifting and that I would be provided drugs to deal with the pain. I get to the new floor and it is important to understand the procedures that I had so you can understand the panic that ensued. I had my arms done, my flanks, the girls were lifted to their pre-pubescent state, and I had a lower body lift. I was wrapped like a mummy and due to the medicine that was put in my Lasik treated eyes, I was also blind. All I could hear were voices and this one nurse saying just push this button for pain medicine. Now the issue was that due to my arm surgery I essentially had flippers and kept dropping the pain remote and they kept coming in saying press this for medicine! They were totally unaware of what surgeries that I had and it took about 15 minutes for them to see that I could not press the button and that is why I was screaming "GIVE ME MY FUCKING MEDICINE YOU BITCH!" at the top of my lungs....After settling down, I still could not see and I was on some deep medication which I think attributed to the serious hallucinations that would plague me for the next 48 hours. I had a vivid "dream" that something went wrong during surgery and my husband was the power of attorney and he decided to let me go in peace but there were family members trying to override this decision with lawyers and it was crazy because I vividly recall every person in this "dream" and none of it happened. My husband said I was flipping out, and he thought they might need ti medically sedate me further but it did eventually subside.  I was supposed to be released from the hospital on Saturday to a rehab facility until Sunday but I ended up staying an extra night in the hospital because my BP sky rocketed due to the hallucinations an panic attack that I was having. I ended up going to the rehab center and coming home on Monday night.

I was released with 4 drains attached to my mid section that require cleaning and maintenance. My husband also had to inject me with blood thinners everyday in my tummy. I do not think I could adequately describe in words the excruciating pain that this last week brought. I mean I knew it would be a difficult recovery but when the doctors say "we are not going into your internal cavities, it is a topical surgery." one might think it would not be this bad...WRONG!!! I took a look at myself and it looked like Frank beat me up with a baseball bat, the bruising was hideous.  frank actually has nicknamed me Frakenweenie in honor of the dog that died and had different body parts stitched back together...I am completely dependent on my husband for everything and he has been amazing, and as a Pisano, this nurse stuff does not come natural, so I am glad that he is with me, walking me through this whole thing...The scarring is pretty intense but I know this needed to be done, it was unavoidable and I also know that with time the scarring will most definitely dissipate.  It is really had to sleep because very movement hurts and I feel like Michael Jackson in that I have to be sooo doped up just to get the rest that  my poor body is craving so much. So I try and do that, i take my meds as often as is allowed to get some rest.  I spend the majority of my day watching TV, and I try and get up and walk a little every hour.  I cannot stand fully erect yet although I went from being completely at a 90 degree angle with the wall to being almost able to stand up straight today, so that is progress. I saw my doctor today for my follow up and he said although it is hard for me to see now because of the pain, that I am going to look completely AMAZING in a few weeks and I ill be able to appreciate this ending to a long 3 year journey.  I get the remaining 2 drains pulled next Monday and I think at that point I ill be able to start having a semblance of normalcy. AT this pint I cannot wear clothes because my skin is sooo tender, it actually hurts to touch material. I am really looking forward to getting through this next week...I am super board and I go through hysterical crying fits because I just want this to be over already and I know it will be a while.  Just to put it in to perspective, i took a shower today and walked around my coffee table 4 times today and I was sooooo exhausted afterwards it felt like i had just come from BOTH boot camp and spin class! I was so physically exhausted that I took a 3 hour nap after that feet of strength...So I definitely have a ways to go but the doctor feels I am right on target and he is super pleased, so I am sure I will be too....Just in case you were wondering, they took off 21 pounds of fatty tissue and skin from this surgery. When I first heard that number, my initial reaction was "that's it?" and the doctor laughed and reminded me about surface area and how because I was super obese, the amount of skin was IMMENSE..I thought of how when Oprah brought out that pound of fat, they took 21 of them off of me and then I was like, hmmm I guess this was a success! Anyway, my meds are starting to kick in and I feel the drool coming but I just wanted to update you all on what you missed. Keep me in your prayers... thanks for reading

My big day

Today is the day. I am leaving in 6 minutes to drive an hour north to the hospital for the final stages of my JOURNEY. What a journey this has been, up down, sideways, multi-directional, "one direction" all of it...but I made it, a little battered and bruised from the ass kicking that I have been putting myself through at the gym but I'm OK, I'm stronger and that is what counts...Here we go... :) Thanks for reading, thanks for caring...

3 weeks to go!

I weighed myself today and LOST 1.7 pounds (.77 kg). I was a tad disappointed as I am only 3 weeks away from surgery and I have a number in my head that i really want to hit..Again, I don't have to hit this number to get the surgery but it is my own personal goal.  I will take the loss, because after all it is a loss but I just like to see my losses beginning with a 2 or a 3! I had some really great moments this week...I added another workout to my regimen and I was able to take a full minute off of my running interval time for a workout that I have been doing...Last night at boot camp two people came up to me to say that I look absolutely incredible and another said she has missed class for the last month and did a complete double take! I love hearing these things as they really act as my fuel to keep going, keep pushing! I am quite nervous about this surgery, I mean I am super excited but I am definitely nervous...The surgery is 24 days away...In 24 days my entire life will change...its soooo exciting...Thanks for reading!

:(

I am really a complete combination of PISSED and really depressed this morning.  I weighed myself and I stayed the same..to the 10th of an ounce! This bothers me greatly because I ADDED 2 workouts this week, and I did not ENJOY my Memorial Day weekend to the extent that I could have...I said no to MANY delicious treats this weekend so when I stepped on the scale, I felt like throwing it out the window!! My surgery is 4 weeks from this Friday and although my doctor said I am at an appropriate weight for the surgery, I have my own personal goal that I would like to meet and I am getting discouraged. I know it doesn't take much to discourage me, or turn my mind set to the negative, it is the truth. I wish I was not so easily tilted in that negative direction, but I am...It could be my upbringing or just personality and circumstances..not sure, no need to diagnose the whys but I was just making a point. I really want to lose at least 5 more pounds by the surgery...I do not want to do it incorrectly, no fasting, cleanses etc..I want these 5 pounds to come off through clean eating and exercise...SO I am off to work and I could really use some encouragement this morning so POST A COMMENT or send me a private message...but I need them this morning, thanks for reading!

Finally have access to my computer to BLOG!

It has been a while since I have been able to pen some of my thoughts because my computer was indisposed and i could not write a post from my phone. Anyway, lots of stuff happening. My surgery is 5 weeks and I am PETRIFIED, I feel like something bad is going to happen and I might not wake up or I will be in such horrific pain afterwards that I am not going to be able to make it.  I also try to focus on the positive and how AMAZING I am going to look afterwards that I get excited for this new chapter in my life. The surgery is super expensive and essentially I have used any money that I was going to use to buy a new car for this. So that means my 2003 Altima will have to get me 5 more good years before she is replaced! My surgery is the day after school ends and I will essentially be out of commission through August.  I will not be able to exercise for a while and I get sooooo sad thinking about all my friends from the gym that have played such an integral role in this journey, my spin teacher, boot camp instructor, all have been soooo important in this journey and a part of my life for soooo long that not being able to go to the gym actually hurts! It might sound weird to some of you, but it is very true...Anyway, enough about that! OH I almost forgot, I weighed myself today and I LOST 4 pounds (1.81 kg), that is period weight plus a little extra...I am very excited as this is the THINNEST I have EVER been...I just am sooo excited to be able to enter ONEDERLAND (You know a weight with a 1 as the first number!) I cant wait to embark on this next phase of this journey that it is actually killing me! I hope you join me, as I will be blogging from the hospital post surgery and I will include you all in on my progress...Anyway, thanks for reading!

Lady in red?

So I weighed myself today and FINALLY the scale is working with me. I was very pleased with what I saw, 5 pounds lost (2.27 kg). So I am in a great place but then what happens? SHe shows up today, damn red menace...so I am a bit apprehensive about what next weigh in will show. But I will take this victory and be happy.  Afterall it is a victory.  10 weeks until surgery. I went for my required pre surgery mammogram on saturday.  I should get those results back soon, it was certainly a challenge because anytime you are dealing with the big C, it just freaks me out.  Many of you might have seen the outfits posted on FB, I went shopping with two friends from spin class and had a ball! It gave me a glimpse of what life will be like after surgery. Very exciting! Well thanks for reading

Good News..Bad News

I weighed myself today and I Gained 2 pounds (.9 kg).  This is my SECOND week of weight GAINS!!! I am trying to figure it out.  The first week was DEFINITELY due to the RED MENACE.  However, this week, in spite for being on spring break, I still worked out.  I did indulge in some dessert choices but it was one piece of pie for God's sake, not the whole pie!!! I am very upset but I have to keep going, I have no other choice….On a completely POSITIVE note, I have a huge announcement! My plastic surgery is SCHEDULED for June 28!!!! I met with a plastic surgeon over break that specializes in body contouring of the formerly obese. He is AMAZING!!! I will be having a lower body lift, my arms, flanks, and a breast lift with a possible augmentation in October. I have to tell you the doctor is in his 50’s and when he saw me he could not STOP telling me how gorgeous I am! He was talking about my symmetrical face, bone structure etc and was sooooo excited saying that I will be ready for the pages of Playboy when he is done with me! I was really flattered as he told me that I clearly have great genes and my parents must have been really good looking! He also told me that I should not be concerned with future pregnancies and he showed me clients that had their contouring done and then had a baby and they still looked fabulous.  He said the key is to just gain the appropriate 20 pounds and my surgery will still hold, so that was very comforting.  I am BEYOND excited about this next chapter in my life. I still hope to lose another 20 pounds prior to June 28, and I really do not know what is going on but I have had 2 very DIFFICULT weeks. I can only say that today is a new day and I am going back to the basics, ONCE AGAIN, and will hopefully get this surplus OFF very soon! Thanks for reading!