First Official Weigh-In!

I went to my nurtitionist for my first offical weigh-in yesterday. I was sooooooo happy to learn that in 7 days I have lost 15.2 pounds which is the equivalent of about 7 kilograms for my Venezuelen and European blog readers....In case anyone was wondering, IT DEFINITELY SHOWS already...I caught my profile while I was passing the mirror and I had to stop because I could not believe how much thinner I look in only ONE WEEK! I am doing well with the diet and am just looking forward to being able to add some additional food choices next week. I was getting dressed yesterday and the first thing I noticed was that I had to come in a row of hooks on my bra...Then I put on my much looser pants and shirt and I was ELATED and I am soooo looking forward to the next few months. I cannot wait to go shopping and the thought of being able to one day shop in a regular store gets me choked up inside. That's my update and I thank you for reading.

6 Days Out...

Six days since the beginning of my new life. I have to say it has been a wonderfully challenging experience. Like I mentioned in my last post, I know the doctor's say the procedure is easy with a quick recovery time etc BUT for like 3 days afterwards, IT WAS AGONY! You will never realize what is meant by your CORE MUSCLES until you have some kind of abdominal surgery. Everytime you bend, twist, sneeze, cough, chuckle, you have pain. Thankfully the excrutiating pain is done but I cannot say that it is totally gone. I still feel it but I am grateful that it gets better with each passing day. In addition to all this, Aunt Flow came to visit and apparently her dates were flexible and she won the bid on priceline, and came EARLY! This sucked for me because I tried to plan the surgery around her impending visit. Oh and on Saturday night, throat started to hurt and I was like please Lord not this too!

So I am still on phase 2 of the diet plan which essentially is a soft liquid diet. The strangest thing for me, is that I AM NOT HUNGRY at all! It is really important that you stay hydrated and basicaly sip/eat every 15 minutes and because I am just not hungry it is really challenging. Yesterday, I told my husband to remind me to eat because I might forget! When those words passed from my lips, we both started laughing because I was the type of person that would plan out my activities around food. I would be RAVENOUS if I did not eat every 2 hours! I would go to bed thinking about what I woud be having for breakfast and lunch. Anyone who has ever dieted knows that there is a difference between physical, emotional and mental hunger. When you are really overweight, unfortunately, they all blend together. With the Band in place, I am learning the differences and how to recognize true physical hunger. Frank has been sooooo supportive and he still has to eat. At first he was feeling guilty when he would eat in front of me. I must say that there is no need for anyone to feel guilty about eating whatever they want in front of me. I will explain to you how this works: If I smell delicious food, I get a little nostalgic and I can say "wow that smells yummy." However, my attention is IMMEDIATELY brought back to the fact that I am physically NOT HUNGRY! I am looking forward to advanccing to the later stages of the diet so that I will be able to enjoy foods that I love but on a much smaller scale. Right now, it is alot of pudding and jello, soup etc...You know what they say "Pudding in, Pudding Out!" No need for me to elaborate on that..LOL...It has been 6 days and I am down 11 pounds....It is pretty Crazy! Thanks for reading...more to come

OPERATION NEW LIFE COMPLETE!!!

Yesterday was the day of my Realize Band surgery and it was a very interesting day. First off, I could not sleep at all Monday night and by the time I was sleepy, it was time to go! I was out the door by 4:55am, and for those who know me well, know that I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON! Upon arrival at the hospital, my dad, ever so the comedian in the family was more excited than I was. I think, in some way, this is a fulfillment for him to finally see his daughter thin (Potentially anyway!) After I checked in and family was no longer allowed behind the iron curtain, my nerves were getting to me. I was on the bed and the nurse came in to start the IV and I just started to cry, I was panicking really bad because I have never had an operation before. I did the only thing that I knew to do and that was call upon the name of the Lord. And when I had uttered the name of Jesus, the nurse who was about a 60 year old SIS-TAH said “That’s right honey, call him, shout his name!” and before I knew it she was holding my hand and singing some classic gospel hymns, You know the kind that starts with MMMMMM, MMMMM, with the head turns!. LOL What a blessing to have this woman as the nurse! Needless to say, I was much more relaxed. Now I was being wheeled into the operating room where I was greeted by the lovely sound of “OH, I want to dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me!” I was like, OK interesting choice of operating music, but I digress. The Doctor asked if I had any questions and I said “You wouldn’t happen to be snacking on Junior Mints would you?” He chuckled because he clearly got the Seinfeld reference. He explained what was going to happen and then I was introduced to the anesthesiologist, who HAD A COLD and was sucking back her mucus, and I was like Lord please help me! She could tell I was nervous and said she had just put to sleep a 950lb man yesterday, and I replied well “Did he wake up?” and the whole staff started to laugh, that was the last thing I remember.

I woke up at 10:00am and I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck! I could not catch my breath and thought I was going to die and the nurse said I needed to burp. I was like listen lady WTF?? Burp, give me some Oxygen…Sure enough, I let out a large burp and problem solved! LOL…When they operate Laparoscopically, they pump air inside of you to expand their view and I have to get all this air out over the next few days…So basically I have to burp and fart often! And every time I do, I feel myself deflating, if that makes sense…LOL. So from 10:00 to 2:00, I was in recovery completely feeling the affects of the anesthesia and Percocet. I got home by 3:30 and slept all day on the sofa. By midnight, Frank brought me to the bed and let me tell you lying down was HELL! I thought I was going to die; it was sooo painful that even though I was crooked and with one leg off of the bed, I told Frank to just leave me. Today is a lot better but it is still painful when I sit or stand, once up, I am ok, but moving those core muscles to sit/stand or twist hurts like HELL! Doctor said the gas and discomfort is normal and in the next few days I should be fine. Frank said I already look thinner! So that is what I have been up to since Tuesday! I am very excited for what the future holds and promise to post pictures soon. Thanks for reading!

13 Hours To Go!

Well tomorrow is the big day...T-Minus 13 hours till my new life begins. I am experiencing a full range of emotions but I must say I am really excited. The jitters that I feel are just because I am bit chicken about the anesthesia...OK for those mothers out there, I know it's not giving birth and having a human being RIPPED OUT OF YOU but nontheless, I am still nervous about it! However, I know that this is going to go well and I am being given a new lease on life. I am ready for the challenges to come but most of all I am ready to begin the discovery of an entire new way of thinking about food and the opportunity to shed this weight, both physically and emotionally. I want to thank everyone for being so supportive and I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow. I will be updating the blog as often as I can with post-op news!

If you have nothing nice to say..SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

So for those people who have no idea what is going on here, getting the Realize Band/Lap Band Surgery is not TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT. It merely provides the physical constraint needed to help me eat the right foods and control the amounts I consume. I still have to eat nutritional foods and exercise regularly. I have to follow the strict plan of action provided by my doctors and nutritionist. I can't believe I am even blogging about this but I know there are those who feel that this needs to be done naturally. If I wanted to lose weight I should just tap into my will power and work out and just do it already. Well thank you I never knew how to do that. You have enightened me. Well I have one thing to say SHUT UP! You have no idea what I deal with and you have no right whatsoever to advise me on this issue. There are those people who have utter DISDAIN for the obese and it is sickening and it is WRONG! Well I choose not to acknowledge the opinions of HATERS! Walk one day in my shoes and deal with the emotional baggage that I have carried for decades and let me know how easy it is to just go on a diet and exercise! So many people struggle with their weight and I am sick and tired of others judging me for what I, along with my husband, doctors and GOD have determined is the right path for me to take. I have a very good support system behind me and even if I didn't what business is it of yours to tell me what I should be doing with my body! This surgery is going to be life changing and it is going to allow me to achieve a goal that up to this point was only attainable in my dreams! draft

13 Days To Go!!!

Well as if the title didn't give it away. I have 13 days until my new life begins. No, this blog will not follow my sex change operation rather my journey to self discovery. After much thought, prayer and SEVERAL unsuccessful attempts to be free from this prison known affectionately as obesity, I have decided to pursue gastric banding surgery. I am not seeking your approval, permission or even validation of my decision. Rather, I am using this blog as a way to express my thoughts and emotions through this life altering journey. You see, my whole life has been marred by this extra weight. I have used it as a shield and a crutch. It has been my "insecurity blanket." Whatever was going wrong in my life, I could always blame it on the weight. I am quite frankly sick of the blame game. This is now an opportunity to live, to press "play" on my life. For those of you who do not have a weight issue, you might be confused. However, living this way is no life at all. It is truly a prison and a sentence without parole. The harder I tried, it was like the harder I fell. If I took two steps forward, I would take 6 steps backwards. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a chance, a chance to be healthy. A chance to be seen for the person that up until this point only, Jesus, my husband and mother ever even took the time to get to know. The idea that I can actually have the opportunity to be thin is almost something I can't wrap my brain around. To be seen is something I have never understood. I know it is hard to understand for my "thinnies," but the bigger a person is, the shell of their insides is smaller. I am breaking free and for the first time am looking forward to hearing someone say "Wow you are really pretty" whereas in the past that statement would aways be followed by a "but you need to lose some weight!" This blog will be my tool to document my journey. I promise to be as forthcoming as possible and my hopes are that you can really understand the emotional impact that all of this is having on me. I will document the ups and downs and try to enlighten all of you throughout this process. Thank you for reading...Stay Tuned!