13 Days To Go!!!

Well as if the title didn't give it away. I have 13 days until my new life begins. No, this blog will not follow my sex change operation rather my journey to self discovery. After much thought, prayer and SEVERAL unsuccessful attempts to be free from this prison known affectionately as obesity, I have decided to pursue gastric banding surgery. I am not seeking your approval, permission or even validation of my decision. Rather, I am using this blog as a way to express my thoughts and emotions through this life altering journey. You see, my whole life has been marred by this extra weight. I have used it as a shield and a crutch. It has been my "insecurity blanket." Whatever was going wrong in my life, I could always blame it on the weight. I am quite frankly sick of the blame game. This is now an opportunity to live, to press "play" on my life. For those of you who do not have a weight issue, you might be confused. However, living this way is no life at all. It is truly a prison and a sentence without parole. The harder I tried, it was like the harder I fell. If I took two steps forward, I would take 6 steps backwards. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a chance, a chance to be healthy. A chance to be seen for the person that up until this point only, Jesus, my husband and mother ever even took the time to get to know. The idea that I can actually have the opportunity to be thin is almost something I can't wrap my brain around. To be seen is something I have never understood. I know it is hard to understand for my "thinnies," but the bigger a person is, the shell of their insides is smaller. I am breaking free and for the first time am looking forward to hearing someone say "Wow you are really pretty" whereas in the past that statement would aways be followed by a "but you need to lose some weight!" This blog will be my tool to document my journey. I promise to be as forthcoming as possible and my hopes are that you can really understand the emotional impact that all of this is having on me. I will document the ups and downs and try to enlighten all of you throughout this process. Thank you for reading...Stay Tuned!