OH HAPPY DAY!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I have lost 5.3 pounds (2.4 kilograms) for a total of 46.1pounds (20.91 kilograms) in 17 weeks! In the words of Frank Costanza "I'M BACK BABY!!!" After much reflection after the last few weigh ins, I realized what I was doing wrong. Both my nutritionist and doctor said this was food related and by no means do I need a fill...Now I understand what they meant. A fill (making the band tighter)is used ONLY when you are hungry in less than 4 hours after eating.; that is NOT the case with me..The big issue that I discovered or realized through that self reflection is that I was not focused. In the beginning, it was not necessary to "watch" what I ate because I was still healing and during that time, you feel twice as full! Now that I am completely healed from the surgery, it is necessary for me to follow certain guidelines. I already new about the protein and water as discussed in previous entries...HOWEVER, I MUST eat ONLY 3 meals per day and 1-2 snacks..PERIOD THE END!!! If for some reason I need to stretch that out to 4 meals, I just divide the 3 and make a fourth...The amount of food does not change..In addition..NO GRAZING..I must admit, that is where I failed previously...I was grazing a lot through out the day instead of sitting for my 3 meals...When you graze, you think you are eating so little but it adds up! Also I never journal and when my doctor and nutritionist found that one out they said, BINGO!! LOL So this week, I did EVERYTHING that I am supposed to and look at my results: I lost the 1.8 that I had gained over the last few weeks and lost an additional 3.5 pounds! I am really encouraged at this moment and although I need to focus, I prefer it..Here is why: My nutritionist asked me this question..."Would you rather have to focus a little more on your food choices with a wider band, the way you are now, or would you rather tighten it and restrict your food choices, thereby giving power and control over to the band instead of yourself?" I decided that I prefer it this way, because as long as I eat sensibly and listen to the guidelines, I have no food restrictions, the tighter they make it, the more restrictions you have ON the types of foods that will be tolerated...I do not want to live on a diet of pureed food, I prefer the way my menu is now..THEREFORE, I MUST FOCUS ON PROTEIN, VEGGIES, GOOD CARBS, JOURNAL, DON'T GRAZE, EXERCISE and then WATCH THE POUNDS COME OFF....From the beginning, I knew this would be a journey filled with an enormous amount of introspection and growth...I am OK now..I am refocused and energized..Thanks for reading

I LOVE AND MISS YOU SOO MUCH MOMMMY!! I CONTINUE ON THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU IN MIND EACH DAY..I KNOW YOU WILL "SEE ME" THIN ONE DAY...THIS IS FOR YOU!

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS WHAT I AM FEELING...

I weighed myself this week and I just do not get it!!! I GAINED A POUND...my weight total remains at 40.8 pounds (18.51 kilograms) in 16 weeks. I am really trying to evaluate what the fuck is happening....Last Tuesday, when I found out that I stayed the same, I went out for dinner and a movie with a friend. I did have half of a hamburger and the fries that came with it..as well as a few licks of an ice cream cone...HOWEVER...if you look at what I ate the rest of the day and the week...it does not make sense..My amounts are not huge...It is possible that my selections were not the greatest....I am going to FOCUS like never before this week..PROTEIN, PROTEIN, PROTEIN!!! In the past that has been my issue, so let's try this one more time before I literally JUMP OFF A CLIFF! I know my exercise is going very well, I am going to the gym 4-6 times per week for at least an hour of INTENSE exercise....SO that is DEFINITELY not it...This is somehow FOOD RELATED, and I am going to figure this out if it KILLS ME! I am starting a journal and I really hope next week things will be different...I am trying to look at the positive..I have gained 1.8 pounds...not the end of the world, or so they say...but I do not want this to be the beginning of some downward spiral that I will not be able to come out of...Any way, I so did not want to blog today, as I feel like I have let myself, down, my husband, MY MOM and all of you! The tears are hitting the keyboard as I write this..I soooooooooooo long to be thin and it is the ONLY thing that, in my opinion, is missing..I have a wonderful husband, family and an overall good life..but I am sooo sick of playing the "If only I were thin game.." I just want to get back on track or at least figure out where I derailed! Pray for me...Thanks for reading!

Don't Get It!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I just do not get it!!! I STAYED THE SAME...my weight total remains at 41.8 pounds (18.96 kilograms) in 15 weeks. I am so perplexed..There were no parties, I drank my water and ate my protein...I am crying, rather uncontrollably as I type....I feel like a complete failure and I am soooo upset, I do not have the correct words. I just put a call into my doctor and am waiting for a callback to see if I am in need of a fill to make teh band tighter....I will keep you posted..Thanks for reading, I had hoped I could have shared happy news with you...

WHAT THE ***@%#!###%@**

I weighed myself this week and I had MY FIRST GAIN!!!!! I gained .8 pounds (.36 kilograms) so my new weight total has been reduced to 41.8 pounds (18.96 kilograms) in 14 weeks. I have to say I am a little disappointed as I DID NOT CHEAT! In reality it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to eat so much any more. I am a little puzzled but I did have my visit from Aunt Flow and I did have my dinner party. I did have a tiny sliver of cheesecake but there is no way that is the cause, because it was so small and I did not even finish it! I also went to three barbecues so maybe this is not so bad considering?? Who Knows?? In addition, perhaps the intense heat was an issue or maybe I ate some salty foods...I really do not know...I continued with my workout and even added one more day, so I am even more befuddled. I am trying to look at this with my "BIGGER PERSPECTIVE" glasses and tell myself, it is less than a pound and I could be retaining water etc...There is only one way to figure this all out and that is to wait until next week and perhaps, it will even out. Keep me in prayer because I hate that I gained today and it is not something that I even wanted to blog about but I had promised to be transparent throughout this entire journey...Anyway, thanks for reading...