Tuesday, July 20, 2010
WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS WHAT I AM FEELING...
I weighed myself this week and I just do not get it!!! I GAINED A POUND...my weight total remains at 40.8 pounds (18.51 kilograms) in 16 weeks. I am really trying to evaluate what the fuck is happening....Last Tuesday, when I found out that I stayed the same, I went out for dinner and a movie with a friend. I did have half of a hamburger and the fries that came with it..as well as a few licks of an ice cream cone...HOWEVER...if you look at what I ate the rest of the day and the week...it does not make sense..My amounts are not huge...It is possible that my selections were not the greatest....I am going to FOCUS like never before this week..PROTEIN, PROTEIN, PROTEIN!!! In the past that has been my issue, so let's try this one more time before I literally JUMP OFF A CLIFF! I know my exercise is going very well, I am going to the gym 4-6 times per week for at least an hour of INTENSE exercise....SO that is DEFINITELY not it...This is somehow FOOD RELATED, and I am going to figure this out if it KILLS ME! I am starting a journal and I really hope next week things will be different...I am trying to look at the positive..I have gained 1.8 pounds...not the end of the world, or so they say...but I do not want this to be the beginning of some downward spiral that I will not be able to come out of...Any way, I so did not want to blog today, as I feel like I have let myself, down, my husband, MY MOM and all of you! The tears are hitting the keyboard as I write this..I soooooooooooo long to be thin and it is the ONLY thing that, in my opinion, is missing..I have a wonderful husband, family and an overall good life..but I am sooo sick of playing the "If only I were thin game.." I just want to get back on track or at least figure out where I derailed! Pray for me...Thanks for reading!
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Keli, listen to me, and listen closely.... YOU HAVE NOT LET ANYONE.... I REPEAT ANYONE DOWN!!!
ReplyDeleteI went to my regular GP dr last week. I asked her if my very premature menopause has much to do with the fact that not only do I not lose quickly if and when I DO lose, but I immediately put it back on... regardless of how much I exercise. ( but go figure, no matter what I am eating or not EATING, i gain if I don't workout)
Anyway, she told me it is definitely my metabolism. Yes, I need to strength train, but also my body may tend to get very accustomed to what and how I eat, so it always adjusts to what I am eating. I need to eat every 2-3 hours and every 3-4 days I need to change what I eat. If I eat brown rice and chicken mon-wed, I need to maybe switch it up to oatmeal and fish for thurs-sat...and then and real change on that odd day.. beef and potato.
It's a suggestion she gave me, and now I am passing it on to you.
Amazing all the work it takes and the biology and chemistry that goes along with it just to lose some weight.. but to gain it? Drink a diet coke and have a piece of cake followed by a couple of slices of pizza... I gain a full size by doing this!!
This is a journey.. not a race. Keep calm, and keep focused.
We are all behind you!
<3
Your workout schedule is amazing. You may not be losing weight, but I bet you are getting skinnier! Break out the tape measure and see yourself getting thinner instead of just weighing yourself!
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