YIKES!

OK so let me be real for a moment. If you have been a loyal reader you know that I have promised to be honest. I have described my OBSESSION with food which has led me to become obese and ultimately why I got the surgery in the first place. you will also recall that the last few months have been INSANELY hard for me because I needed a fill soooooooo badly and I was unable to because I was fighting my insurance company. So over the last 3 weeks, I did not even feel the band. I was exactly how I was pre surgery...Dreaming about food, tasting everything, eating like I was going to the chair! I have to say, I ENJOYED MORSEL that touched my tongue, including the Chocolate lava cake filled with melted peanut butter and vanilla ice cream on top that I had for my anniversary. Oh did I mention, the cheese steak egg rolls? How does one see such a concoction and not try that??? LOL Anyway, I weighed myself today and I am PAYING THE PIPER BIG TIME! I weighed myself this week and I GAINED A TON!!! Mind you some is period weight, but for the most part, this weigh in is all my doing, it is all because of the binging I have done for the last 21 days! Are you ready? I am going to tell you, but you might want to sit down for this...I GAINED 9.4 POUNDS (4.26 kg)!!! THERE I SAID IT! I have lost a total of 62 pounds (28.12 kilograms) in 51 weeks.

I have a friend who said, "Did you learn anything?" "Didn't you learn how to eat less etc..Well My answer to that is NOOOOOOOO! I got this surgery because I NEEDED IT! If I would have been able to get the fill when I needed it, I GUARANTEE you that I WOULD HAVE NOT gained this weight! A food obsession, more like a food ADDICTION is what I have....The good news is that tomorrow morning, I am getting my long OVER DUE FILL, and back on track I will be...I thought about not being honest, but that is NOT the point of this blog...Let me be clear, I have eaten very out of control over the last few weeks...The stress of fighting my insurance, missing my mom like crazy and just life in general were the catalysts, but I DID it..I ate and ate and ate..I ate sport of like a Great White Shark, I mean it was almost as if I were unconscious and my eyes rolled over white and I was eating while in a trance like state! So I have beaten my self up ENOUGH..So if you are going to post something Negative, DON'T BOTHER! I have a food addiction, which is NO DIFFERENT than a cocaine addiction..I understand it is important for me to get to the reasons behind why I eat soooo much,and I am committed to do so, HOWEVER, I need this fill and I need it soooo badly! Anyway, thanks for reading, and tomorrow, my journey continues with the proper help that I desperately need!