I'm Back Baby!

Well it has certainly been a while! I have been going through a lot and all though I have not bloged since the wedding, I have been checking my weight weekly.  So I am down 4 pounds since the last time I "blogged." I have been experiencing a great amount of work related stress which has spilled over in every area of my life.  I have also been experiencing a great deal of "mood swings." Frank is convinced it is a hormonal imbalnace that has only gotten worse since my ovary removal...I had an appointment with my ob/gyn today but had to cancel to take my car to be fixed.  Now I cant get in until the end of July..hopefully there will be a cancellation...

HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: On Sunday, I started my first workout in the "couch to 5K" program...I have to say I DID IT!!! I was SUPER IMPRESSED with myself...I ran 6 different interavls of 1 minute of continuous running followed by walking...My legs are still soar today...It is AMAZING to me that I can do 3 spin classes a week, use the row machine, elliptical, lift weights etc and feel like I am in fairly decent fitness health for someone my size BUT the running KILLS! It is sooo intense...Looking forward to earning my next comletion badge..I will keep you all posted..Thansk for reading!

Here comes the sun!

Well this weekend, I had the privilege of attending the wedding of two friends of mine from church. It was a lovely day and it was also my official debut! I was able to wear a dress that was NOT a plus size!!! I have not worn a dress this size in at least 15 years...It was one of the most thrilling times of this journey thus far..Getting dressed and looking in the mirror and seeing my new, thinner reflection made me tear up inside and out! I was also able to wear high heels without feeling like my legs were going to cave in underneath me...I got soooo many compliments and some even said that I outshined the bride! I enjoyed myself at the wedding but I did not go overboard in what I ate. Now, I decided to blog today but I DID NOT weigh in, because I am on such a euphoric high that I did not want anything to upset me! The wedding was just two days ago and it is possible that the food that I did eat registered negatively on the scale today...So I opted out! I hope you all understand! Thanks for reading!!!

MOTHER F%%&&##$@^!

I really am annoyed! I had a sinus infection and missed every workout that I usually do so what did I do? I decided to be extra careful with my diet and what rewards me today? A BIG FAT GAIN!!! I gained 2 pounds (almost 1kg) what the hell????? I mean really people, I seem to not be able to win here! I have another 50 pounds to my next goal and I am just going up and down here! I thought I had a break through two weeks abo when I lost the 4+ but my body likes to "even out" and give me back 2...I AM JUST BEYOND FRUSTRATED!!! Some say, the antibiotics could play a role in the gain, I am on them until this thursday..who knows, all I know is I did what I had to do and that I am sure of!!! I need this to work, I really have no other options here...I NEED THIS TO WORK!!! COME ON BODY, STOP RESISTING MY EFFORTS!!!!!

ELATED....BUT...

I weighed myself this week and i LOST 4.2 pounds (1.91 KG)...I really am super stoked but I had a few revelations this week that I wanted to share...Frank has been talking to me about my over all negativity..This is something that I have always known was an issue forme, but I used to joke it off as part of my jewish heriatge, you know becuase the Jews are known for complaining and whining...Well I think that was my cop out excuse...I wish I knew why I lean to the negative..I hate that I do..I have tons to be thankful for and I can see that it is taxing on people...It is no secret that people are drawn to those who are positive and uplifting...so maybe that is why I have always struggled with making and keeping friends? Who knows, all I know is that I have tons to be thankful for in my life and I need to start being positive..Now being that I am a Christian, it is more than just "being positive" because the Lord is in my life, I should be expressing happiness and joy all the time, so the issue is my heart...I think I have been sooo deeply wounded from a young age that I am stuck in this muck..but Frank constantly reminds me that I dont have to be...Frank says to just let my healing begin, be vulnerable to God and to others...See myself as he and God see me, and express my gratitude...so this is where I am at, lots of thinking this week...I titled my blog "elated, but," becuase I am out of the gym for a few days becuase of a sinus infection and I took off of work today and have been feeling really terrible...not sure when I can resume my normal work out routine...SO as you can see the "but" came from my negative thoughts about having an awesome week this week, but it will all go to hell this week becuase I cant exercise! DO you all see my problem? its a vicious cycle really!..LORD HELP ME!

Happier!

I went shopping this weekend and I bought a BEAUTIFUL dress for a friends wedding at the end of the month. It was a size 14/16 and my wedding dress was a 26/28! It was such an awesome day that I was actually shaking when I saw the reflection staring back at me! I called everyone I knew to share the news! It was a great day, I weighed myself yesterday and I LOST 1.6 pounds which I was pleased with...I did not blog yesterday becuase I was just sooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired from work and craziness...But I am blogging now, so there you have it...

BEYOND PISSED

So I weighed myself today and surprise surprise, I GAINED WEIGHT AGAIN!!! WHAT THE HELL??? It took every ounce of me NOT to have a Menage a Trois with me, Snickers and Twix!!! I'm serious, I was "this close" (holding thumb and pointer finger very close together)from Frank walking in from work and finding me in a corner crying surrounded by a dozen wrappers! I really have NOTHINg to say, if I would have cheated, I would not be sooo upset, so I am not sure if this is hormonal or just "part of the journey." All I can do is dust myself off and keep going, so that is what I am going to do, I am npw 11 pounds away from my next major mnilestone and I justw ant to get there, I need to make some adjustments this week...thanks for reading

Sort of Pissed!

I weighed myself today and I GAINED 1.5 pounds (.68 Kg). I had my period and I also went to a bridal shower, where I ate some delicious items that probably were not the best choice for a a dieting person. However, I worked out 6 times this week! I mean really people, what does a girl have to do??? I guess this week is back to the basics, journaling, protein, and just being diligent about what I am responsible for....BIG SIGH, because I am 4 pounds away from my next goal and I would like to be at this goal by the wedding I have to go to at the end of May...Anyway, I am pretty disappointed and utterly pissed at myself...Let's hope I have better things to declare next week, thanks fo reading!