No Shocker Here!

I weighed myself this week and I STAYED THE SAME...I have lost a total of 68.6 pounds (31.12 kilograms) in 39 weeks. Well I guess I can consider this a victory because although my amounts were not insane my food choices over the holiday were certainly not conducive to weight loss..lots of sugar and fat! So Hopefully I can reach my 70 pound goal by next week...Whats interesting is that this past week started out GREAT and then by Christmas day, I lost my way...But I forgive myself and I am BACK ON TRACK! Not much else to say...Christmas was great, Dad made it through and now I am nursing an AWFUL COLD! Anyway, just writing this for accountability purposes..must go back to bed! Thanks for reading...

Slowly but SURELY!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST .8 pounds (.36 kilograms)... I have lost a total of 68.6 pounds (31.12 kilograms) in 38 weeks. Well I was hoping for a bit more, HOWEVER, my LOVELY AUNT FLOW decided to pay a visit and she always affects my weigh in, LOL...I could look at this in one of two ways: I can be pissed off or I can count it as a success as I keep losing and I will take whatever victory I can get. I opt for the latter, simply because, I AM LOVING my life at the moment..I feel GREAT, and my clothes are falling off of me, even the new ones I just bought are big on me.

I had a great compliment given to me by my hair stylist...she said that she had to do a DOUBLE TAKE when I walked into her shop this weekend..I ALMOST CRIED with HAPPY TEARS! I have to say that I had a little stumble that day...My car broke down and I had to bring it to the shop on Saturday and I did not get to eat ANYTHING until 2:30pm and I was up since 8am! That NEVER HAPPENS, and unfortunately when I walked into the shop, the smell of CHOCOLATE DELICIOUSNESS BECKONED ME and I stumbled..I had 4, that's right 4 chocolate covered concoctions for breakfast! So considering that, once again, I will TAKE the .8 pounds! No matter what kind of weight loss journey you are on, if you get yourself to that ravenous state, it is very UNLIKELY that you will make a GOOD food choice! Thankfully the band only allowed me to have 4 cookies, because pre-surgery, I probably would have had AT LEAST a Baker's dozen (13)!!!!

Well I have one more weigh in in 2010 and I REALLY REALLY want to reach 70 pounds lost..I am soooo close... only 1.4 pounds (.64kg) away! Wish me luck, say a prayer as this weekend is CHristmas and I have 2 gatherings to attend...Also, I have 13 more weigh ins until my 1 year anniversary since teh surgery and I would LOVE to break the 100 pound mark (a total of 45.46 kg) but hey, ONE DAY AT A TIME!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL, PEACE ON EARTH & GOOD WILL TOWARDS MEN...ALWAYS, ALWAYS! Thanks for reading, until next time!

Keep on Keeping on!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST .6 pounds (.27 kilograms)... I have lost a total of 67.8 pounds (30.75 kilograms) in 37 weeks. This week's loss was not much but I had a great loss last week and a loss is still a loss! Every drop in the bucket will lead to an overflow soon!

I went shopping this week and I have to say, I got a glimpse of the joy that must accompany my thin friends when they go shopping. I was able to purchase clothes in sizes I have not worn in close to a DECADE! In addition, as I was in the dressing room SURROUNDED BY MIRRORS, a typically HORRIFIC EXPERIENCE, I caught myself checking out my newly discovered curves and shape that is starting to appear! I WAS THRILLED!

I got several compliments from people at church and even some people at school, which to me is soooo flattering as I have only worked there for a few weeks, but they said "Are you losing weight, your pants are very baggy??" I am looking forward to my next 50 pound drop as I think I will probably be UNRECOGNIZABLE to most who know me!

When I had the surgery, the doctor told me that I could expect to lose any where from 70-110 pounds in the first year...Well I am approaching 9 months post surgery and I am almost at that 70 pound mark..so things are going very very well!

I am sooooo determined to COMPLETE a marathon once I reach my goal..I watch the Biggest Loser and it is sooooo inspiring and one of my friends from church said that when I am ready she will do it with me....If you are reading this A.D., I am taking you up on that offer, I just need at least another year...In the mean time, I hope to complete a 5k in the next 5 months hopefully followed by a half marathon and then the BIG ONE!

This week I participated in Liquid Church's Operation Christmas Angel where we Blessed some of the poorest families in the local community. We provided a sit down meal in an upscale hotel ballroom, activities for the kids and then they all got to go shopping for Christmas presents for their children. I met so many LOVELY people and was able to show the LOVE OF GOD which has sooo transformed my life...The people were really receptive and it got me so fired up for this Christmas season. Helping others really allows the meaning of Christmas to come forth. In addition, being a servant to those who otherwise feel forgotten and left out ushers in the impact of Isaiah 9:6 : "For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Anyway, my job is still going really really well, and I am soooo THANKFUL as the Lord BLESSED me BIG TIME! Until next time..Thanks for reading!

ROCKING IT!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 2.8 pounds (1.27 kilograms)... I have lost a total of 67.2 pounds (30.48 kilograms) in 36 weeks.

A few honorable mentions: Last year I purchased a wool coat That I could button but it was not the most comfortable fit...I tried it on yesterday in this BLISTERING COLD WEATHER, and IT WAS HUGE!! SOOOO HUGE that I cannot even wear it, I am bringing it to a consignment shop and hopefully they will buy it! I did my weight training class, and I was able to not only push myself harder than ever before, but I was also able to go up to the 8lb weights instead of relying on the 3 and 5 pound weights. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this class and are shaking your heads at how light that seems, it is a 60 minute NON STOP weight training class with SATAN as the teacher who cannot seem to do less than 50 continuous reps for each body part and that is on an EASY DAY!

Work is AWESOME and it also helps with my cardiovascular exercises as I rarely sit down and am running up and down stairs ALL DAY LONG! I really like my boss which truth be told, I have never been able to say in all my years of working. She demands excellence, but she is really nice and approachable. Very happy with everyone I have met so far...

Mom had a birthday this week..she would have turned 64..It is really hard to believe that she is no longer here or even that she has been gone for 6 months already...But everytime, I get sad, I think about how she TRULY is in a better place and my dad and I have a really healthy, close relationship now...He truly is a changed man and it is great to see his heart...Anyway, thanks for reading..until next time...

Getting Stronger

I weighed myself this week and I LOST .4 pounds ( .18 kilograms)... I have lost a total of 64.4 pounds ( 29.21 kilograms) in 35 weeks. I am a little disappointed as the loss is miniscule, however, a loss is a loss and it was a holiday so although my amounts did not deviate my typical menu was very different over the last 4 days...I also had a really great loss last week and in my experience my body prefers to even itself out...any way it is what it is, and I am staying accountable!

This week was QUITE EVENTFUL! I started my new job..WOW, talk about a really long 13 months of unemployment! I must say that although I experienced the full gamut of emotions, this lull period put many things into perspective. It reinforced the need for my dependency on God. I always knew in my head that this was true but now I really know and feel it in my heart.

So some blog worthy information...My new job involves a lot of running around the school, up and down stairs etc...I noticed that with all this weight off of me, I am not as WINDED as I used to be when going up a flight of stairs! I mean it was really noticeable that I had to call my husband and share the news! I am really looking forward to the day when I can run with no encumbrances, physically or emotionally! That day is approaching, it is on the horizon! I put the picture of the famous steps from Rocky I on this entry...I am sooooo going to put my ipod in and listen to this song while I run to the top! Oh and when I do, you are all welcome to join! What do you say???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhlPAj38rHc
Soon this will happen and maybe I will even post the video of me doing it!

Tonight in spin class I noticed how much easier it is for me to stretch out my hamstring..It used to be sooooo hard for me to reach and lift my leg up to my behind to stretch it out...I would have to use the spin bike to to it. Basically my circumference was just too much for me to reach my ankle from behind...I am happy to say, NO LONGER, I CAN DO IT!!!

Thanksgiving was really great..On Thursday, My husband, dad and Ms. Maggie (Dad's dog and sidekick) went to Eastern Long Island to spend the day with my brother and sister in law...She is such a great cook! The drive there was 2.5 hours which was OK considering the distance but it took well over 5 hours for the return trip! HORRIBLE! Then on Friday, we went up to Connecticut to help celebrate my uncle's 70th birthday, and on Friday we were in Bergen county with the in-laws...Sunday I rested, after church of course...LOL...

Please keep my dad in your thoughts and prayers this week..This Thursday, December 2, would have been my mom's 64th birthday and it is also the 6 month anniversary of her passing...I think about her daily and although part of me is soooo relieved that she is no longer suffering, i just want a hug and to talk on the phone...Anyway, thanks for reading, and especially those who comment either on here or facebook! your support is part of the fuel that keeps me focused!

Sorry it took sooooo long!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 3.6 pounds (1.63 kilograms)... I have lost a total of 64 pounds (29.03 kilograms) in 34 weeks. Sorry for not writing sooner but I have been exhausted! Started my new job and it is A LOT of work, but I am liking it!

If I could think at the moment, I am sure I would write something profound, however, right now this entry is solely for accountability...Thanks for reading my little blurb! LOL

SOOOOO ANGRY!

I weighed myself this week and I GAINED 1 pound AGAIN (.45 kilograms)... I have lost a total of pounds 60.4 pounds (27.40 kilograms) in 33 weeks. I am beyond pissed as I am trying to assess what the hell is going on! Ok Confession, I did have a half of a pecan pie tartlet last week for lunch! But that should not have caused the gain, that's crazy! I worked out 5 days this week to try and balance that out, clearly it did not work!!! I AM GOING FUCKING INSANE! I really am! I am waiting on a call back from the doctor to see if I need to get another fill, because this is 2 pounds in 2 weeks and I need to stop this NOW! I am no where near my goal and cannot afford this slip up!!!!! I know I had a fill recently but my goal was to "feel" the way that I did post surgery where I was never hungry...I did feel that way for like a week but that went away..I am thinking, since I told the doctor that I did not want a major fill, that he only closed it slightly..I don't have a clue, all i know is the holiday's are approaching and I want to not just get through them, but I want to lose as well!!! SOOOOOOO PISSED!!!!! That's all for now...

FUMBLE!!!

In case your wondering who this girl is in the picture, the answer is, I HAVE NO IDEA! I put this picture here because I love the beach and I LOVE THIS DRESS! This is a dress I can see myself wearing next summer! The model was also blond so I figured hey, it could work! LOL, Although Frank has already stated that I am "WAY PRETTIER!" He is really sweet!

I weighed myself this week and I GAINED 1 pound (.45 kilograms)... I have lost a total of pounds 61.4 pounds (27.85 kilograms) in 32 weeks. I really have NO IDEA the reason for the gain, perhaps it has been my sedentary behavior because of the ankle, who knows! This week, my ankle feels pretty good so I plan on resuming my workout schedule...I can say one thing, I am not completely bummed because this is just a minor bump in the road..I am overall very very pleased with my progress...I pass the mirror and can actually see myself smiler more, with my shoulders back and way more confidence...It is almost like the butterfly is emerging from the cocoon, and I am growing into myself...So this gain will be gone next weigh in..I mean the contestants on the Biggest loser had gains last show as well and they could not explain it..Sometimes I think our bodies rebel against the changes that we try and make...


This week was time for MEASUREMENTS...I have lost another .5 inches from my neck(1.27 cm), 2.5 inches from my arms (6.35 cm), 5 inches from my chest (12.7 cm), 4.25 inches from my waist (10.79 cm), 4 inches from my hips (10.16 cm), 7.75 inches from my thighs (19.68 cm). I would say "HIP HIP HOORAY TO ME!!!!"

WAY TO GO!!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 2.3 pounds (1.04 kilograms)... I have lost a total of pounds 62.4 pounds (28.30 kilograms) in 31 weeks. I am really getting SUPER motivated at this point for two reasons...#1 This is the thinnest I have been in a decade and in a few weeks, I will be at the agreed upon weight for FRANK TO KICK HIS WEIGHT LOSS INTO HIGH GEAR!!! This week, I went to spin and body works! WOO HOO!! Now at Body works, I did not do the lunges b/c the position of the ankle puts a lot of strain on my already injured ankle and for spin, I sat the entire time. I have to say, I never realized what a needed respite doing the jumps and standing hills are to your rump! I COULD NOT FEEL MY ASS, it was totally numb...But I DID IT, and I am really looking forward to getting back to being able to do the whole class the way it was meant to be done!

The band is fitting nicely, I am really feeling the positive affects of getting that fill...I am back to being able to not think about food in between meals! However, he did not put in too much fluid that my food choices had to change, if you recall that was one thing I was worried about..

I was blessed this week with the opportunity to go share a few weeks withmy mom's side of the family in Venezuela this summer...I am very excited but sooooooo NERVOUS...Let me explain: Venezuela is the home of MANY BEAUTIFUL THIN WOMAN!!!! My mom used to tell me she was considered fat! Thos of you who knew my mom, know that when she was young, she was FAR FROM OVERWEIGHT! I am a little nervous, I would hate to have peopel stare and comment on my fat ass! So hopefully, my ass will be MUCH SMALLER in the next 9 months, who knows, maybe I will be at my goal! Now that woudl be EXCITING!!! Either way, I am really looking forward to it..I never realized how much of my mom I can see in my uncles and cousins...I am not sure if it is just their mannerisms or if it is truly genetic, but I see her in them and it makes me feel much closer to the mom I miss sooooo very much....

I am on vacation this week and I am hoping to hear some favorable news about a few job opportunities...Keep me in prayer and THANKS FOR READING!!!

REVELATIONS!!!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 2.5 pounds (1.13 kilograms)... I have lost a total of pounds 60.1 pounds (27.26 kilograms) in 30 weeks. I am very close to being a weight that I have not been in in over a decade....Oh and that is also the agreed upon weight range for FRANK TO GET OFF HIS ASS AND START RUNNING AGAIN!!! Geez, the boy really loves me as he completely let himself go for me..If you recall, my psychotic insecurities about being both slightly taller and SOOOO MUCH larger than him made me really uncomfortable..So this man, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE...my soul mate, said he could never make himself grow, but he can gain some weight to make me feel smaller! Is that love or what??? I have been soooo over that for some times now and he told me 2.5 years ago that he would stop sabotaging himself when I got to a certain weight and that weight is ALMOST HERE!!!!

I figured out what happened last week when I did not lose anything! First, I began my descent into PMS and ultimately Aunt Flo's HORRENDOUS VISIT and the light bulb went off...During the week of my cycle, I need to DRINK MORE WATER and not give in to my cravings..Sounds easy doesn't it?? I had had some sweets last week, specifically donuts, BUT I was counting calories and was shocked that the scale didn't move...I mean after all Jillian ALWAYS says calories in and calories out....So the day that I had the donut, that was a meal for me! Granted not the best choice, BUT being the week of my cycle, I did not lose! I went back into some of my blog history and realized that this has been the trend...Anyway that is what I discovered, so next month, I hope to be more prepared!

So I was talking to a friend of mine and she said she could not understand how in earlier blogs I was talking about how my insatiable desire for food was gone...LET ME BE CLEAR (IN THE TONE OF BARACK OBAMA!) I still LOVE FOOD but since the band puts pressure on the stomach it sends a full signal to my brain, I just don't think about it and I can go on with my day without CONSTANTLY being distracted by thoughts of food...The BIBLE says that it is our DESIRES that once conceived lead to SIN (JAMES 1:15)..Essentially that means prior to the band, my desire was food, and my thoughts were consumed with all things food related and those desires lead to the sins of idolatry and gluttony! Follow??? So since I lost a lot of weight so far, the band was naturally looser than back in March..and guess what happened?? My brain was not getting the full signals and I was eating more and I could feel this obsession for food starting to come back...I called my doctor, and that is why I got a fill and since I got it and it is tighter, I feel like the weeks following surgery...I can eat small portions and stay full for a 4 hours or so and that is where I find my success! So I am really really happy that I opted for the fill...He only put a little liquid in it as like I discussed in earlier blogs, I still want to be in control and have a wide variety of food options....

So my ankle is still feeling weird..a little better each day but I am still going to be focusing on weights this week and the pool, Aside from the lunges in the weight class, most of teh exercises are stationary, so I am going to try and go to three this week, I just cannot wait to go back to spin class...LOVE IT!!!...Oh and my dad saw me last night and said he has not seen me this thin in sooo long..he also said, that he can see mommy in me....That was sweet..."I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH MOM!!!!!" Anyway, Thanks for reading

Hmmmmmmmm

I weighed myself this week and I STAYED THE SAME!!!! I have lost a total of 57.6 pounds (26.13kilograms) in 29 weeks. It is interesting actually because I did have my fill and I have been eating soooooo much less. I actually feel the way I did when I first got the surgery. I am not afraid of overeating, and I am back to eating just half of everything, if that much. I have a few ideas as to why I stayed the same. Idea #1- I actually did LOSE weight but because I was eating MUCH MORE prior to the fill, the loss seems negligible (This is where I am leaning!) Idea #2- Perhaps there is gas associated with the fill just like when I first got the surgery. Idea #3- My body is adjusting to the my new smaller stomach. Regardless of which idea is the correct one, I KNOW NEXT WEEK WILL BE A BIG LOSS FOR ME! "How do you know that, Keli?" Well, I am glad you asked...I know this because it will be a full week of me eating on the new stomach and I tell you I feel just the way I did shortly after surgery, and I was doing GREAT a few months ago, Therefore it HAS TO WORK in time! That is how I KNOW! LOL

I tried to go to spin class last night, BIG MISTAKE! I had to leave 30 minutes into it because my ankle was really bothering me! I may need to start seeing a physical therapist to strengthen it or something because it has been 3 weeks already since the SPRAIN of 2010 and I am EAGER to get back into my exercise routine. I did try softer exercise, I went into the pool for Aqua Aerobics and seriously, it was like if I were TAKING A NAP! There really was no challenge comparing it to Spin, or Body Works classes...Anyway, I am going to be late for work...gotta go! Thanks for reading!

Bump in the Road!

I weighed myself this week and I gained a pound (.45 kg) I have lost a total of 57.6 pounds (26.13kilograms) in 28 weeks. I saw a commercial today from the American Arthritis Association which said: For every pound (.45 kg) that you lose, you take 4 pounds(1.81 kg)of pressure off of your knees. That means I have taken 230.4 pounds or 104.51 kg of pressure off of my knees! I have to be honest and say that I have been struggling for the past few weeks. I notice that I am getting hungrier sooner and when I am eating, I am eating more than normal. Now I am in NO WAY eating the quantities that I was prior to surgery, as that would be IMPOSSIBLE, but I am still eating more than I would like. So I spoke with my doctor and he explained that since I am almost down 60 pounds, the band is now not as tight around my stomach and he suggested that I get a fill. So I have an appointment for this Wednesday to have some saline placed into the band to make it tighter, which will make me less hungry. I am a little concerned as I have had no food issues or restrictions and I want to maintain that, but I am willing to risk it as I still have a lot more to lose and the way I am at this point, I feel will be very hard to get to without a fill! I went shopping this week and I bought a pair of jeans and a few pairs of dress pants, 3 SIZES SMALLER!!!! YEAH! Felt great, and I have to say, I look pretty good! So until next week, thanks for reading!

Just Keep Swimming

As I write this blog, I hear the phrase "Just Keep Swimming," in the voice of Dory from Finding Nemo! That is my goal, just keep going and before I know it, I will have a body that no longer is attached with shame and self hatred. I am very pleased with my progress thus far and I will just keep going. I have decided to go shopping this week as there are some nice sales going on....I need a few staple items that actually fit, so I can stop wearing my clown pants! LOL

I weighed myself this week and I stayed the same, I suppose I was prepared for this considering my HUGE loss last week and with a sprained foot, I could not get to the gym. I have lost a total of 58.6 pounds (26.59 kilograms) in 27 weeks. This week will be just as tough, my ankle is on the mend but I am in no way ready for spin or any other gym class that involves my feet. Not sure what next weeks weigh in will bring but I need to be super vigilant this week with my menu as I really want to reach that 60 pound mark! Anyway, thanks for reading!

HELP IS ON THE WAY!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 5.4 pounds (2.45 kilograms)!!!!!. I have lost a total of 58.6 pounds (26.59 kilograms) in 26 weeks.

This week was QUITE EVENTFUL...On Thursday, I had an interview AT MY DREAM SCHOOL, right here in town..IN MY DREAM JOB, and this is how it went...IT WENT GREAT! In spite of the fact that I am losing soooooo much weight that my pants were soooooo long and my heel got caught and as I was walking into the main entrance of the school, I tripped and rolled on my ankle and fell into the glass doors!! But I got up and composed myself, did the interview, which went really well, but when it was over, I could not stand because my ankle had swelled so much that I had to say something..so they got the nurse, she ace bandaged it, gave me ice, and the director of Guidance got the athletic director to take me to my car in the golf cart....They were joking around with me during the interview, the one counselor said I did GREAT, and I really did well on the Q&A, they liked my experience etc...SO overall I am confident, working for this school is my dream, because the camaraderie of the department is unreal...They know their stuff, but they don't have sticks up their assess..I am a hard worker, smart and I know my craft..I need an environment like that...I pray it goes in my favor. When he called, he said he wanted to make sure I was OK,and that he hopes to wrap this up and I will be hearing from him... They liked me, I could tell, its just a matter of me beating out the other people..they said they are doing a few more interviews Monday and Tuesday, hopefully they will make a decision by the end of next week or beginning of the following.... Thank you letter was sent.... ANYWAY, I have been on crutches, and basically on the couch with my feet up since...I WANT THAT JOB sooooooo badly, and I know I did the best that I could under the circumstances of being in such pain, BUT if I was not in pain, I think I would have had more clear and concise answers...OH WELL TOTALLY IN GOD'S HANDS NOW! I keep listening to this song to remind me of that..Take a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ufoo7EIXmA

Oh did I mention in addition all of this..AUNT FLOW, soooo glad to see you! NOT!!!!!! So this is the 2nd time this year that I SEVERELY sprained my ankle and I cannot even COUNT how many times in my life...I know this is because I have crooked feet and walk like a pterodactyl and this is just complicated by the weight...So looking forward to the day that my weight is not the cause or the complication of EVERYTHING!!!! GRRRRRRR, hey I am getting there, that is what I keep saying....As the title of this entry says, Hope is one way and it is the way I am going..I have to continue to hold onto Hope, I will get a job at some point and it WILL BE THE ONE THAT IS BEST FOR ME!!!!! So with my foot, I am thinking spin class is out for a while :( Very sad, not sure how long I am to refrain from hard exercise with a severe sprain...any one know?? I was thinking of just going to the gym for the next two weeks and doing weights..I really cannot do ANYTHING where my ankle pivots in any way..and DON'T say go in the pool because the MORONS at LA FITNESS have the pool with a PANORAMIC window looking out into the whole gym!! Like I am really going to be comfortable in a suit with that exposure....NOT!!!! Anyway, please send me your ideas, as my sprain is REALLY bad and I DO NOT want to have a gain next week!!! Thanks for reading!!!

I CAN OWN THIS!

I weighed myself this week and I STAYED THE SAME. I have lost a total of 53.2 pounds (24.13 kilograms) in 25 weeks. OK so here goes, confession time :) My Mexican party was GREAT, SOOO GREAT that on Friday I had 3, that's right 3 twelve ounce Maragritas! Oh and on Saturday, when Frank and I had some leftovers for dinner, I had 3 more twelve ounce Margaritas! Now, I just have to say, THEY WERE FRICKEN AWESOME!!! LOL I am TOTALLY OK with my weight staying the same as I obviously DRANK A LOT this weekend! I know one of my loyal readers said "have one good one and enjoy it," but my flesh was weak, and those margaritas were icy cold GOODNESS!!! What is interesting is that with the band, I can't gorge myself with food, but Liquid is an ENTIRELY different story, goes right down! Not sure if anyone has ever made margaritas with concentrated limeade, but that is THE KEY to making margaritas at home that taste like you got them at a restaurant. If anyone is interested here is the recipe: http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/margaritas/Detail.aspx


PEPPER GATE 2010!!!

Oh something INCREDIBLY FUNNY happened at my Mexican Fiesta...I decided to make jalapeno poppers and I used about 30 jalapenos...BIG MISTAKE, I did not wear gloves! My finger tips were ON FIRE! So I waited a few hours and then had to get ready for the party..Went to put my contacts in, and WHAM...5 ALARM FIRE!!! I was on the floor in pain and was like 2 seconds away from calling 911!!! So I flushed my eyes out with cold water and even touched my eye with an ice cube to get relief....Fast forward to when company arrives...My finger tips were still on fire AND one of my guests told me that she, made jalapeno poppers to bring to the party and, she too had finger tips that were BLAZING!!!! So she and I spent time at the dinner table, talking to everyone while we had our hands SOAKING in ICE WATER!!! No relief, so we were Googling remedies, we tried 1) Baby shampoo and sugar which provided temporary relief then 2) soaking ours hands in laundry detergent, I had some relief for a little while but my friend DID NOT! 3) Then we tried milk, but I only had skim milk in the house and that had no effect! Her hands were shaking in pain..I seriously cannot properly describe the pain that we both were feeling! So Frank to the rescue, he calls Poison Control, they suggest rubbing your hands with MYLANTA..SURE ENOUGH IT WORKED!!! So if this ever happens to you....MYLANTA!!!! LOL

OK so I thought you would like to know that as of Sunday, I AM BACK ON TRACK, working out, writing in my food journal and have NO DOUBT that I will have a GREAT LOSS next week! THANKS FOR READING!!!

FALL FROM GRACE! :*(

I weighed myself this week and I GAINED 1.2 pounds (0.54 kilograms). I have lost a total of 53.2 pounds (24.13 kilograms) in 24 weeks. When a gain is explainable, it is DEFINITELY EASIER to accept. If you recall, I was not able to work out that much last week, as I had a "blister the size of Long Island!" I also had 3 parties and it was just a rough week..I would hope that I can get this off by next week, although oi am definitely SCARED, because, I am having a Mexican Themes Party at my house on Friday with tons of food and MARGARITAS..if you have any suggestions, I am all ears!

I am very upset this morning and I am a little amazed that this type of gain is possible with the size stomach that I have...Anyway, I have been preparing myself for this for a few days now....I really hope to GOD that I have a great week this week and get back on the horse! Anyway thanks for reading!

I'M ROCKING IT!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 1.2 pounds (0.54 kilograms). I have lost a total of 54.4 pounds (24.68 kilograms) in 23 weeks. Needless to say, I am very very happy. This week was quite eventful. I had several family gatherings with TONS of food and I managed to make good choices and maintain my sanity. In addition, I participated and here is the clincher, COMPLETED my very first 5K run/walk. Now I only ran about one block, and walked the rest, but this is JUST THE BEGINNING! I even worked out on Labor Day! That was a first for me....I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, 45 minutes of weight training and 200 crunches! Unfortunately, I have a blister the size of Long Island on the bottom of my foot and CANNOT walk at the moment, so I will need a few days off from working out. I actually thought about posting a picture of this GIANT BLISTER in today's blog, but Frank talked me out of it...But literally, I have never seen one soooooo big! Moving on....LOL

So I missed my mom sooooooo much last night, I actually was in bed and stretched my arms up towards heaven and asked my mom for a hug! I don't care how RIDICULOUS that sounds to some of my readers but hey, I just miss her a lot. Sometimes, I can't share with the family how much, because I AM THE STRONG ONE! I know she can see me and is very proud of my success...

So this week should be interesting only because I will not be able to work out until the weekend, I am serious, I am hobbling because of this blister! I will try and "catch up" with my workouts once I can actually stand! I guess this means I will have to be extra vigilant on my food choices this week...Oh, I forgot to share this tid-bit with you...My husband used to be in GREAT shape and in the beginning of our dating relationship, because of my CRAZY insecurities, I was horrified that he was a bit shorter and I was WAY BIGGER than he was...So he said he would gain weight, for me, and show me how to lose it! LOL, Sounds ridiculous, I know, but he loves me sooooo much that he would jeopardize his own health for me...Anyway, that was like 4 years ago, and I am since so OVER IT! I have been trying to get him to get back in shape and run (He used to be a long distance runner). However, Frank has been unable to get back in the swing of things...So, he made a VOW with me and said that when I reach a certain weight, he would start his plan and go for it with much gusto...Well, I am only 22 pounds away frm that being a reality..so I guess we shall see if he follows though..I hope so! Well that is pretty much it...Thanks for reading!

Climbing To The Top!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 2.4 pounds (1.09 kilograms). I have lost a total of 53.2 pounds (24.13kilograms) in 22 weeks. Needless to say, I am very very happy. This week was quite eventful as Frank and I were a part of history in the making, going down to Washington, DC and attending the Restoring honor Rally at the National Mall along with what is estimated to be between 400,000 to 600,000 people! One thing that I took away from that event is that Glenn Beck said DEMAND TRUTH from yourself before you can demand it from other people! WOW, talk about a call to living your best life, and not the way Oprah describes it, but a life filled with honor, integrity, character but above all LOVE FOR OTHER PEOPLE! So how does one apply the concept of demanding truth in the weight loss journey? Well I am soooo glad you asked! LOL I feel this has to do with getting to the roots of why food is your crutch, what exactly are you hoping that it will comfort?? In addition, when you are "dieting," (and I hate that word but hey, we all do it) are you being honest with what you are eating, exercising etc?? If you recall, many times when I gained or stayed the same, it was not until I self reflected AKA BEING HONEST with myself did I figure it out!

A few things that I noticed this week that I feel are TOTALLY worth sharing...I was able to clean out one garbage bag filled with clothes that were too big for me! I cannot express how awesome that feels! One of my friends actually told me that she can clearly see my knees, and at first I was like what are you talking about, and she said "well before there was no clear distinction!" At first, I was not sure what the hell kind of compliment that was but hey I will take it! Also, this is for the ladies, you know how you like to wear a hair tie on your wrist in case in teh heat you need to put your hair up?? Well My whole life, it would actually hurt to wear around my wrist because I would get that mark from the hair tie cutting off my circulation! I happened to notice this week that this no longer happens...I actually discovered this after I had slept with the hair tie on my wrist and did not even feel it!! That would have NEVER happened before...these little things, to me, are just soooooo amazing and I hope you can sense my excitement! I am sooo looking forward to the next few months, specifically shopping for a Christmas dress!

I put a picture of Mount Baker in Washington State on the top of this post for two reasons. Seven years ago, a friend and I actually traveled to Washington and climbed to the top...well, we drove 3/4's of the way up and then climbed the rest...I titled this entry "Climbing To The Top," because that is a goal that I have. I want to climb to the top of my life, and stop sitting in the valley saying "What if, what if I were thin..." and that involves letting go of all this pain that I have carried around for soooooo long. In doing so, I am becoming more free to express the true me, to live the life I have always dreamed of! Oh and I also plan on climbing Mount Baker without the assistance of a car! Anyway, Thanks for reading!

I DID IT!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I am ECSTATIC to say that my slump is OVER!!!! I LOST 2.4 pounds this week(1.09 kilograms). I have lost a total of 50.8 pounds (23.04 kilograms) in 21 weeks. I am sooooooo happy because with no job and losing my mom, not losing the weight I wanted in the last few weeks had me seriously considering the notion of playing in traffic or taking a long walk off of a short pier!

I have to say that this whole journey is really a process of self discovery. Every week, I need to analyze what I ate, why I ate it, and did I exercise etc?? It is absolutely amazing that no matter how much you exercise, it ALL comes down to what I am putting in my mouth. For me, eating is the ONLY thing that affects my progress. When I am in a slump, it is weird that at the moment, I NEVER recognize any errors in judgement but afterwards, after I reflect, I pick it out every time. Oftentimes these errors are not me going to McDonald's and stuffing myself with a 3,000 calorie binge as in the old days. To begin with, there is NO WAY, I could physically do that anymore, THANK JESUS, but I do not have a desire to do that anymore. However, eating a little too fast, not focusing on putting my fork down after each bite, not making "the best choice," (PROTEIN!) and other little things like that really can affect my results.

The one thing that I hope to conquer and I am soooo not there yet is to maintain my self worth and happiness regardless of what the scale says. This is something that I have struggled with my entire life. I have many blessings and people in my life who love me, however, I do not want my self worth to be solely dependent on losing this extra person I have been carrying around for so long. You heard it here first, this is just as IMPORTANT of a goal to me as is losing the weight. I know that happiness is a choice and true JOY comes from the Lord, and I am CERTAIN that my inability to love myself fully, regardless of what the scale says definitely affects how much love I allow myself to receive, whether it is from Frank, family, friends and above all The Lord. So this is what I have been pondering on this week. Thanks for reading!

OK STARTING TO GET PISSED!!!

I weighed myself this week and I have STAYED THE SAME FOR THE SECOND WEEK IN A ROW!!! WHAT THE FUCK?????? I have lost total of 48.4 pounds (21.95 kilograms) in 20 weeks, which you all ALREADY KNOW!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR...I really do not get it, I am not cheating and I even upped my exercise, so something better break soon before I literally start playing in traffic! One friend says that working out one hour per day, four times per week is not enough! I have a really hard time believing this because, in my experience, it is ALWAYS the EATING!!! I recall on every diet program I have ever been on, it was always the eating that did it, I am exercising a lot, so I just do not get it..but if you agree with my friend, please let me know! Anyway, let's all pray that this breaks next week and I have a huge loss, that makes up for this two week slump! Thanks for reading.

HMMMMM

I weighed myself this week and I have STAYED THE SAME!!! I have lost total of 48.4 pounds (21.95 kilograms) in 19 weeks! Staying the same is not so bad when I had two GREAT weeks and I have come to figure out that when you look at the weight loss over several months, everything evens out and it is all good! I have to continue to focus on doing what is necessary and I will get there, I AM CERTAIN OF IT!!! Anyway, not much else to say, bit of an uneventful week...Thanks for reading!!

I AM ON A ROLL! NOT A KAISER!

I weighed myself this week and I have lost 2.3 pounds (1.04 kilograms) for a total of 48.4 pounds (21.95 kilograms) in 18 weeks! This success is attributed to my renewed focus that I discussed in my last post. I would like to say this loss came even though I had a wedding and a dinner party last week! I enjoyed myself at both events but worked the food into my daily intake and in the words of Sir Tim Gunn, "I MADE IT WORK!"

I went to get my nails done and noticed how I fit soooooo much more comfortable in both the manicure and pedicure chairs! Also, I am getting compliments and I am really encouraged...I am almost at my lowest weight in a decade! I also have to share the results of my latest measurements...Since the surgery, I have lost: .5 inches from my neck (1.27 cm); 1 inch from my arm (2.54 cm); 3.25 inches from my chest (8.26 cm); 4 inches from my waist (10.16 cm); 13 inches from my hips (33.02 cm); and 5.62 inches from my thighs (14.27 cm) I would say that is AWESOME!!!!

I am really looking forward to Christmas because I know that will be an unbelievable milestone...I LOVE YOU MOM AND MISS YOU EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY!!! Thanks for reading!!

OH HAPPY DAY!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I have lost 5.3 pounds (2.4 kilograms) for a total of 46.1pounds (20.91 kilograms) in 17 weeks! In the words of Frank Costanza "I'M BACK BABY!!!" After much reflection after the last few weigh ins, I realized what I was doing wrong. Both my nutritionist and doctor said this was food related and by no means do I need a fill...Now I understand what they meant. A fill (making the band tighter)is used ONLY when you are hungry in less than 4 hours after eating.; that is NOT the case with me..The big issue that I discovered or realized through that self reflection is that I was not focused. In the beginning, it was not necessary to "watch" what I ate because I was still healing and during that time, you feel twice as full! Now that I am completely healed from the surgery, it is necessary for me to follow certain guidelines. I already new about the protein and water as discussed in previous entries...HOWEVER, I MUST eat ONLY 3 meals per day and 1-2 snacks..PERIOD THE END!!! If for some reason I need to stretch that out to 4 meals, I just divide the 3 and make a fourth...The amount of food does not change..In addition..NO GRAZING..I must admit, that is where I failed previously...I was grazing a lot through out the day instead of sitting for my 3 meals...When you graze, you think you are eating so little but it adds up! Also I never journal and when my doctor and nutritionist found that one out they said, BINGO!! LOL So this week, I did EVERYTHING that I am supposed to and look at my results: I lost the 1.8 that I had gained over the last few weeks and lost an additional 3.5 pounds! I am really encouraged at this moment and although I need to focus, I prefer it..Here is why: My nutritionist asked me this question..."Would you rather have to focus a little more on your food choices with a wider band, the way you are now, or would you rather tighten it and restrict your food choices, thereby giving power and control over to the band instead of yourself?" I decided that I prefer it this way, because as long as I eat sensibly and listen to the guidelines, I have no food restrictions, the tighter they make it, the more restrictions you have ON the types of foods that will be tolerated...I do not want to live on a diet of pureed food, I prefer the way my menu is now..THEREFORE, I MUST FOCUS ON PROTEIN, VEGGIES, GOOD CARBS, JOURNAL, DON'T GRAZE, EXERCISE and then WATCH THE POUNDS COME OFF....From the beginning, I knew this would be a journey filled with an enormous amount of introspection and growth...I am OK now..I am refocused and energized..Thanks for reading

I LOVE AND MISS YOU SOO MUCH MOMMMY!! I CONTINUE ON THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU IN MIND EACH DAY..I KNOW YOU WILL "SEE ME" THIN ONE DAY...THIS IS FOR YOU!

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS WHAT I AM FEELING...

I weighed myself this week and I just do not get it!!! I GAINED A POUND...my weight total remains at 40.8 pounds (18.51 kilograms) in 16 weeks. I am really trying to evaluate what the fuck is happening....Last Tuesday, when I found out that I stayed the same, I went out for dinner and a movie with a friend. I did have half of a hamburger and the fries that came with it..as well as a few licks of an ice cream cone...HOWEVER...if you look at what I ate the rest of the day and the week...it does not make sense..My amounts are not huge...It is possible that my selections were not the greatest....I am going to FOCUS like never before this week..PROTEIN, PROTEIN, PROTEIN!!! In the past that has been my issue, so let's try this one more time before I literally JUMP OFF A CLIFF! I know my exercise is going very well, I am going to the gym 4-6 times per week for at least an hour of INTENSE exercise....SO that is DEFINITELY not it...This is somehow FOOD RELATED, and I am going to figure this out if it KILLS ME! I am starting a journal and I really hope next week things will be different...I am trying to look at the positive..I have gained 1.8 pounds...not the end of the world, or so they say...but I do not want this to be the beginning of some downward spiral that I will not be able to come out of...Any way, I so did not want to blog today, as I feel like I have let myself, down, my husband, MY MOM and all of you! The tears are hitting the keyboard as I write this..I soooooooooooo long to be thin and it is the ONLY thing that, in my opinion, is missing..I have a wonderful husband, family and an overall good life..but I am sooo sick of playing the "If only I were thin game.." I just want to get back on track or at least figure out where I derailed! Pray for me...Thanks for reading!

Don't Get It!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I just do not get it!!! I STAYED THE SAME...my weight total remains at 41.8 pounds (18.96 kilograms) in 15 weeks. I am so perplexed..There were no parties, I drank my water and ate my protein...I am crying, rather uncontrollably as I type....I feel like a complete failure and I am soooo upset, I do not have the correct words. I just put a call into my doctor and am waiting for a callback to see if I am in need of a fill to make teh band tighter....I will keep you posted..Thanks for reading, I had hoped I could have shared happy news with you...

WHAT THE ***@%#!###%@**

I weighed myself this week and I had MY FIRST GAIN!!!!! I gained .8 pounds (.36 kilograms) so my new weight total has been reduced to 41.8 pounds (18.96 kilograms) in 14 weeks. I have to say I am a little disappointed as I DID NOT CHEAT! In reality it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to eat so much any more. I am a little puzzled but I did have my visit from Aunt Flow and I did have my dinner party. I did have a tiny sliver of cheesecake but there is no way that is the cause, because it was so small and I did not even finish it! I also went to three barbecues so maybe this is not so bad considering?? Who Knows?? In addition, perhaps the intense heat was an issue or maybe I ate some salty foods...I really do not know...I continued with my workout and even added one more day, so I am even more befuddled. I am trying to look at this with my "BIGGER PERSPECTIVE" glasses and tell myself, it is less than a pound and I could be retaining water etc...There is only one way to figure this all out and that is to wait until next week and perhaps, it will even out. Keep me in prayer because I hate that I gained today and it is not something that I even wanted to blog about but I had promised to be transparent throughout this entire journey...Anyway, thanks for reading...

WEEKLY WEIGH IN

I weighed myself this week and I have lost 2.5 pounds (1.13 kilograms) for a total of 42.6 pounds (19.32 kilograms) in 13 weeks! Can I get a WOOP WOOP??? LOL, I am soooooo happy right now, I am truly busting at the success that I am having. Yesterday at spin, I do not know what happened but I got a second wave of energy and my instructor noticed it and before I knew it I had completed the class at a level that I had never been able to achieve before. The whole class was cheering me on! One of my instructor's told me that I am truly an inspiration and she cannot tell me how many times people come up to her,to discuss me and my progress and how hard I work etc! I would like to lose another 33 pounds which will put me at a weight that I literally cannot remember being at in at least a decade possibly more! At that point, I think I am going to GO SHOPPING and get a whole new wardrobe!

I am having a dinner party tomorrow night and it will be my first party since the surgery. I am curious to see how this is going to affect, if at all, next week's weigh in...In addition, my lovely Aunt Flow is scheduled for a visit so we shall see...I am planning to do an extra day at the gym just in case...Anyway, that's all for now, thanks for reading! MOM I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND YOU ARE TRULY MY INSPIRATION THROUGH ALL OF THIS...I FEEL YOU EVERY DAY AND I KNOW YOU CAN SEE HOW WELL I AM DOING! <3 <3 <3

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed myself this week and I have lost 3.3 pounds (1.5 kilograms) for a total of 40.1 pounds (18.19 kilograms) in 12 weeks! I am officially the LOWEST weight I have been in at least two years possibly three! For those of you who read my last blog you are aware that it was my birthday and I did not have a big loss last week. It has been 3 months since my surgery and I am really seeing the pattern of weight loss. The few times that I lost a tiny amount were due to me not eating the right amounts of protein and water. Last weeks loss was not due to that, I think it was because the week prior, I had a really big loss and my body was balancing! Either way, I am very pleased about today's loss. As far as my birthday is concerned, it was as best as it could be in mom's absence. I had a few crying moments this week where my heart just longed to cuddle with my mom and talk to her. I heard two of her favorite songs on the radio. What is interesting is that I was in the car on both occasions and I looked up and saw the most heavenly sky and I knew she was there..I felt her presence and I just started to talk to her...

I put a picture on this week's blog that spoke to me. I have always longed to run on the beach and I found it to be very inspiring. There are sooo many things on my "When I am Skinny List!" Running is definitely one that will be one of my greatest accomplishments. I was talking to my sister in law this week and I told her that most people do not realize how active in my head I actually am. I cannot wait to no longer be inhibited to run, rock climb, scuba dive kayak or canoe! Anything that I want to do is going to be at my fingertips...I mean I am genetically still a Davidson, so who knows once I do these things if I will continue with them but the point is at least I can try them once and decide, instead of my weight deciding for me! I am looking forward to being able to train for my first race. Maybe a 5K and then moving up from there. I already got an offer from one of my reader's to do one with her, I am sooooo up for that! Not sure how much weight I have to lose before I can start that but I have seen bigger people than me on "The Biggest Loser" do those races so maybe it is not that far off for me. I am not ready to go clothes shopping yet as I have a number in my mind that I want to reach before I shop. I do know one thing: I want to THROW OUT EVERYTHING at that point and start fresh. I do not want to keep any of these clothes because I do not intend to EVER go back, so why would I need them???

My Maggie had surgery this week on the tumor she had on her eye. She is wearing that awful cone which totally takes away from her style! It is sooooo funny because she will be walking around and all you here is "Doink, Doink!" That is her running into the walls and the furniture because her depth perception is off! What makes it hysterical is that she is a really smart dog and has not learned the art of walking with the cone. She will literally bump into the wall and then do it again three seconds later. She looks at us with these eyes as almost to say "Why, why are you doing this to me?? I look stupid!" Well that's all for now, thanks for reading! Please feel free to comment on my posts either on the blog itself or in an e-mail or FB message! Believe it or not, your comments are encouraging to me, so please don't forget to do so!

WEEKLY WEIGH IN!

Today is my 32nd Birthday...The first birthday that will be without my sweet mom...This is really hard for me as she would always ensure that I had a good day...My father in law is taking us out to a restaurant in Hoboken so hopefully I will be able to enjoy the day...My mom used to call it "my baby's day!" It is amazing how no matter my age, she always called me baby! I miss her so much it really does hurt...

I weighed myself this week and I have lost .8 pounds(.36 kilograms)for a total of 36.8 pounds (16.7 kilograms) in 11 weeks. This is NOT the Birthday Weight Loss Gift I was hoping for, however, I am still very happy with my weight loss totals thus far. There has been just one other time where in one week I lost less than a pound, and that was due to me not meeting my protein and water requirements. I already know that since I ate ut a lot this past week, that this is indeed a possibility. So we shall see for next tuesday what happens! I wore a pair of shorts the other day that I have not been able to wear let alone get past my hips for two summers! Oh and I went for a haircut this week and my stylist said that normally when I sit in the chair, she cannot see over my head but today she was able to..this indicates that my ass has indeed DEFLATED!!! LOL hey I can take joy in these little things! Oh I have been getting MANY compliments at work from people who really have not known me long but say that I am shrinking before their eyes! I think they notice how baggy my clothes are..I am about 3 weeks away from looking like a complete frump and will be in need of a few staple pieces...

Let's see, I went back to work last week and I was greeted to the most lovely welcome back party by some of the students. One of these young lads decided to take his pants off, not once, not twice, but three times! In addition he had his hands down his pants and he used his fingers and arm to simulate both a white man's and a black man's penis...Oh I am not done, THEN he decided to win an OSCAR for his portrayal of "Young Teen In Heat!" He simulated masturbation, complete with sound effects and escalating emotion..Yep, I am not exaggerating in the least..this was my welcome back party...fun right? I had to go to the police and file a report...very nice!

What else happened this week? Oh I went back to the gym for a KICK-ASS spin class...Everytime I finished this 60 minute class, I thank the Lord for giving me the strength! I also cannot help but feel a bit proud at the fact that even at my heaviest weight, I attended this class...I have been working out for quiet some time and I am looking forward to meeting my thin self so I can truly get that "high" that my thin friends "claim" exists after a work-out!

I have been spending lots of time with dad. He is very devastated and I really do not know how to help him as it is literally IMPOSSIBLE for me to be with him 24/7..Please keep us all in your prayers...Thanks for reading!

Update and Weekly Weigh In

This week was really hard..My beautiful mom has gone home to be with Jesus..She is out of her pain and suffering and although I miss her terriblly, I do have a peace that is only attributed to the LORD! I am leaning on God more than ever and I am thankful that His grace is sufficient for me! I will be celebrating my 32nd birthday on Tuesday June 15..It will be the first Birthday where my mom won't be calling me first thing in the morning or sending me a beautiful card...Pray for me friends/family, I will need it... The memorial service was a real tribute to my mom, we sang her favorite songs, Todd and I spoke along with many of her church friends...and another friend also sang a special song. I am including the you tube links for both in this blog..The video tribute for my mom can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7nzlmcf6-8

My friend Cindy wrote and sang this song which was sooo appropriate. It tells the story of a woman who passes away and writes a letter to her family "Heaven Sent!" The link to her video can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9JKRiJS3QE

I weighed myself this week and I have lost 3.4 pounds(1.54 kilograms)for a total of 36 pounds (16.33 kilograms) in 10 weeks. I have dedicated the remainder of my weight loss journey to my Beloved Mommy...She was soooo proud of my decision to have the surgery and was thrilled at my success thus far. She will FOREVER be a driving force and inspiration to me...Thanks for reading!

Weekly Weigh In

I Lost 1 more pound this week for a total of 32.6 pounds or 14.79 kilograms. I am in sooooooooooooo much pain emotionally right now that I cannot bear to write anymore...MOM I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER....

BACK ON TRACK: WEEKLY TUESDAY WEIGH IN!!

OK well it is 7:30am so let's get down to business! I weighed myself today and I am DOWN 4.8 pounds (2.18 Kilos) this week! That is a total of 31.6 pounds(14.33 kilos) in 8 weeks! I have one hypothesis for this AMAZING loss from my last weigh in which was less than one week ago! The doctor's have told me how important it is for me to get both my protein and water in daily and Frank and I have just discovered a new eating establishment. The Muscle Maker Grill (www.musclemakergrill.com) is a take-out place started by body builders! Every entree is super high protein and low carb and I must say the food is DELICIOUS! I highly recommend it! So That could be the reason as we ate there 3 times this week, which was 6 total meals for me because I can no longer eat a full size portion! My clothes are falling off of me but I am holding off on purchasing clothes for as long as possible. My entire life has changed, I cannot even describe how much my relationship with food is different since surgery. I realize now how unhealthy my outlook on food has been all these years. I can now say that NO ONE will ever be able to tell me that having this surgery was not the best decision for my life...

My mom is not doing very well, she was rushed back to the emergency room yesterday with some kind of infection. She is so weak, it literally breaks my heart each time I am in her presence. I am leaning on the Lord to the best of my ability, but I have to be honest..I am ANGRY...Don't get me wrong, I love the Lord and I KNOW that He is in control, but if anyone has read the Psalms, David was pretty pissed at God too!!! She is too young and it is not fair that she might miss out on so many of my future milestones...We are hoping that this specialist we were planning on taking her to will still see her considering her weakened state...Pray for her, and my whole family...I do know one thing, my mom would love nothing more than me regaining my life back and now more than ever, I am dedicating this journey to my mom...Thanks for reading...

Post Orlando Weigh In!

Well, good news...I weighed myself this morning and I am DOWN 1.8 pounds while being away (2.2 kilograms) for a total of 26.8 pounds or 12.16 kilograms in 56 days...Orlando was great, well sort of...Spending time with Grandma was wonderful..She is a lovely Sicilian woman who is about 4'11" tall and speaks Italian and usually has a wooden spoon in hand! We decided to drive down there because of several reasons, the terrorists who have made checking in at the airport REALLY ANNOYING, and the biggest reason is that I would not have had lap band surgery had I had a swimming amount of room on an airplane seat...I did not want to have a Kevin Smith experience and be escorted off of the plane! So the drive started off with a major bump...we went to pick up the car with our Expedia confirmation in hand and were told that the quoted price was actually void and it was really $125 more than what we confirmed...I had a Seinfeld moment in that I was like "so you know how to take the reservation but you don't know how to hold the reservation!" Anyway, we stayed on the phone for 2.5 hours at the Budget Rental Counter arguing, screaming and speaking to 3 levels of supervisors before we got Expedia to HONOR WHAT THEY CONFIRMED!!! So we were all stressed out and decided to start the drive..We made it to Virginia and checked into a hotel...the next day we continued our drive and got to Orlando by 11:45 pm....a total of 15 hours and four minutes! YUCK!

The first day of our vaction consisted of Frank'a office calling him in a panic and he worked the whole first day we were there, so we extended our trip for a day...Next day we went to Universal Islands of Adventure where I was salivating at the roller coasters only to discover that I could not FIT IN THE FRICKEN SEAT! Soooo upsetting...Again I had to compose myself and say, in time, in time I will be able to ride all the roller coasters I want..Although, I will need to go with a friend because Frank does not go on ANY RIDES, not even the ferris wheel! So if you want to be my coaster buddy, let me know!

The following day we got up to go see the Space Launch of The Atlantis...and needless to say it was HORRENDOUS! I mean the actual 2 minutes that it took off was very cool but waiting 9 hours to see it and another 3 on a cramped smelly bus was OBNOXIOUS!!!! The rest of the time we spent with Grandma and that was great, she is an awesome woman...

Went to see mom today and unfortunately she is not doing that well..I mean she looks great but is very weak..She cannot walk and is very tired all the time..We take her to another doctor next week...even in her current state she is a blessing to me..She took my hand today and wiped my tears away and said "You must trust God, Jesus is the Way!" She asked that I never forget my promise to her which was to never give up on the Lord and not be angry with God if she goes home to be with Him...I ask that during this time, you continue to keep me in your prayers and my mom as well...I need all of you more than you know! That is all for now....I promise to be back on schedule next Tuesday..Thanks for reading!

Weekly Weigh In

For any of my loyal readers, I apologize for not updating last week. I was just insanely pissed because "AUNT FLOW" paid a visit and the bitch that she is, brought a weight gain and irritability! However, she has kindly LEFT and I am now in a right frame of mind...LOL... I weighed myself today and I am down another 1.4 lbs for a grand total of 25.4 pounds (11.52 Kilos) in 6 weeks! I did go back to the gym last week but in a completely unrelated incident, I had a major muscle spasm last Friday! I literally could not move at all and I was on a pain killer, a muscle relaxer and I wore a back patch with even more medicine! This lasted for about a week so I have not worked out in a while. Today, we are driving down to Florida to vist Frank's grandma so I will definitely be walking a lot at the parks but I will not return to the gym unil I return. As far as my diet is concerned, I am eating whatever I want but just in small quantities. I was told prior to surgery that sometimes people have food intolerances to bread. For those who do not know me well, I am a CARB ADDICT and this worried me. However, I have had NO INTOLERANCES and have been able to eat bread which is really exciting! I am learning to cook for the band as well as enjoy evenings out. I usually order one meal and have it for 3 meals. I have finally realized how INSANE American portions have truly become! I never believed it before...I am looking forward to the next few months and I cannot wait to go shopping, most of my clothes are falling off me!. I am trying to hold off for as long as possible. Oh and mom is doing REALLY WELL, Thank God, she is going to see a specialist next week and we are just trusting God that all of this is in HIS hands! That's all for this week..Thanks for reading!

Tuesday Weigh In

So everything in my life is status quo EXCEPT my weight! I weighed myself today as I am supposed to do every tuesday and I am DOWN 4.4 pounds this week! That is a grand total of 24 pounds or 10.89 Kilos in 5 weeks! So basically the doctor knew what he was talking about when he said I must consume at least 64 oz of water and 70 grams of protein daily so my body does not go into starvation mode! I can honestly say my decision to do this surgery was the BEST decision I have ever made, ok next to marrying Frank! I am still doing well, my appetite is under control and I am able to go without eating for 4-5 hours, sometimes longer. That is truly amazing as I used to get headaches if I did not eat something every 2 hours! Most of the time, I did not even make that two hour mark....I am currently wearing my tight jeans which are in no means tight! LOL...The question is do I buy new ones?? I am not sure as they will probably only fit for a few weeks..I would appreciate your blog comments to let me know! Anyway, got to run...thanks for reading!

A NEW DAY HAS COME....

Well it has been a week that words could never express. I have felt EVERY emotion possible and cried a 1,000 tears....I have seen the eyes of my beloved mother fill with fear and suddenly come alive in hope and love...Many of you already know the trials I have experienced when my mother was rushed to the hospital last Thursday and diagnosed with brain cancer...When I saw her, I thought all hope was lost but the fight in my mother, the warrior that she has turned into is awe inspiring. She went from unable to speak or recognize any of us to speaking in full sentences and nagging my dad about a myriad of things. She is alive and breathing and we will link arms as a family and carry her when she is weak as she has done since the day my brother and I were born. We have a few options going forward and I am asking for your continued prayers for her healing, favor with the insurance company and overall help with the financial aspect of all of this! CRAZY! God has shown his presence through all of this, in times when I would have least expected it...He is faithful and HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME! He is the God of miracles and I am standing strong in the arms of His love. Whatever, lies ahead, we have confidence in this "BUT HE WAS PIERCED FOR OUR TRANSGRESSIONS, HE WAS CRUSHED FOR OUR INIQUITIES; THE PUNISHMENT THAT BROUGHT US PEACE WAS UPON HIM AND BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED!" (ISAIAH 53:5) AMEN!

So the purpose of this blog is about my weight loss journey. If you recall in my last entry, the doctor said that my water and protein intake were deficient and I needed to make a better effort to get all that in...Well even though I lived in the hospital this past week, I made excellent choices and focused on what the doctor said, It actually helped me clear my head a bit...So I weighed myself and LOST 3 POUNDS! So I guess it is "Oh, this is all locking in now. It is all locking in!" (George Costanza)So my week four total is 20 pounds!!! My jeans are soooo big, in a few weeks, I will be able to take them off without unbuttoning them! Thanks for reading! IT IS A NEW DAY!

MOTHER $$%#&&@(&&!!!

Well I have to be honest and say that had it not been for a friend who encouraged me to post, I would not have written anything today. I am ashamed, pissed and depressed because I weighed myself today and only lost .6 pounds...Again not 6 pounds rather POINT SIX which equals .27 Kilos! Very disappointing...I am at a total of a little more than 17 pounds in 3 weeks but still....I made a series of frantic calls today to my doctor and nutritionist and I discovered two things that could be the cause. I am yet to meet my water requirement and my protein intake is very low. I am consistently taking in about 50 ounces of water and 30 grams of protein daily. I am supposed to be taking in 64 ounces of water and 70 grams of protein. I must say, I am full and do not know how I am going to do this but I can try. In addition, I have not been cleared to begin working out. SO the dctor said until I am achieving the aforementioned requirements, it is hard to make a judgment call on the success of my band. He is confident that if I do what he says, IT WILL COME OFF, GUARANTEED! It might not be in my time frame but it will get there...I am hanging on those words as well as some advise given by Bob Harper weekly on The Biggest Loser..."Work Hard, follow the plan and TRUST THE PROCESS!" Well that is all I can say today...Pray for me and thanks for reading...

HMMMMMM....

Well I weighed myself for week #2 and I must say, I AM PISSED! Week one, I lost 15.2 pounds and this week only 1.2 pounds (.54 Kilos)! I mean, if I were on another weight loss program, I would be happy as they say 1-2 pounds per week is excellent. However, I was under the impression that with the surgery, the first few weeks would be a bigger loss until my body leveled off for the remainder of my journey losing 1-2 pounds per week. I really hope my body hasn't leveled off already! I did everything my doctor and nutritionist have told me to do and I spoke with my nutritionist this morning and he said this is normal. He told me to relax and that I will succeed in my weight loss goals and not to let this set me back. So I guess I have no choice! Today is week #3 and thankfully I get to eat eggs, tuna, and chicken salad! Oh and the best is that I can have COFFEE today! Needless to say I am really excited about my menu today...Frank and I have been walking in the park everyday enjoying this beautiful weather. Unfortuantely, I have not been cleared to resume gym workouts. I am hoping that once I can go back to my spin classes, my weight loss will improve. We shall see...

First Official Weigh-In!

I went to my nurtitionist for my first offical weigh-in yesterday. I was sooooooo happy to learn that in 7 days I have lost 15.2 pounds which is the equivalent of about 7 kilograms for my Venezuelen and European blog readers....In case anyone was wondering, IT DEFINITELY SHOWS already...I caught my profile while I was passing the mirror and I had to stop because I could not believe how much thinner I look in only ONE WEEK! I am doing well with the diet and am just looking forward to being able to add some additional food choices next week. I was getting dressed yesterday and the first thing I noticed was that I had to come in a row of hooks on my bra...Then I put on my much looser pants and shirt and I was ELATED and I am soooo looking forward to the next few months. I cannot wait to go shopping and the thought of being able to one day shop in a regular store gets me choked up inside. That's my update and I thank you for reading.

6 Days Out...

Six days since the beginning of my new life. I have to say it has been a wonderfully challenging experience. Like I mentioned in my last post, I know the doctor's say the procedure is easy with a quick recovery time etc BUT for like 3 days afterwards, IT WAS AGONY! You will never realize what is meant by your CORE MUSCLES until you have some kind of abdominal surgery. Everytime you bend, twist, sneeze, cough, chuckle, you have pain. Thankfully the excrutiating pain is done but I cannot say that it is totally gone. I still feel it but I am grateful that it gets better with each passing day. In addition to all this, Aunt Flow came to visit and apparently her dates were flexible and she won the bid on priceline, and came EARLY! This sucked for me because I tried to plan the surgery around her impending visit. Oh and on Saturday night, throat started to hurt and I was like please Lord not this too!

So I am still on phase 2 of the diet plan which essentially is a soft liquid diet. The strangest thing for me, is that I AM NOT HUNGRY at all! It is really important that you stay hydrated and basicaly sip/eat every 15 minutes and because I am just not hungry it is really challenging. Yesterday, I told my husband to remind me to eat because I might forget! When those words passed from my lips, we both started laughing because I was the type of person that would plan out my activities around food. I would be RAVENOUS if I did not eat every 2 hours! I would go to bed thinking about what I woud be having for breakfast and lunch. Anyone who has ever dieted knows that there is a difference between physical, emotional and mental hunger. When you are really overweight, unfortunately, they all blend together. With the Band in place, I am learning the differences and how to recognize true physical hunger. Frank has been sooooo supportive and he still has to eat. At first he was feeling guilty when he would eat in front of me. I must say that there is no need for anyone to feel guilty about eating whatever they want in front of me. I will explain to you how this works: If I smell delicious food, I get a little nostalgic and I can say "wow that smells yummy." However, my attention is IMMEDIATELY brought back to the fact that I am physically NOT HUNGRY! I am looking forward to advanccing to the later stages of the diet so that I will be able to enjoy foods that I love but on a much smaller scale. Right now, it is alot of pudding and jello, soup etc...You know what they say "Pudding in, Pudding Out!" No need for me to elaborate on that..LOL...It has been 6 days and I am down 11 pounds....It is pretty Crazy! Thanks for reading...more to come

OPERATION NEW LIFE COMPLETE!!!

Yesterday was the day of my Realize Band surgery and it was a very interesting day. First off, I could not sleep at all Monday night and by the time I was sleepy, it was time to go! I was out the door by 4:55am, and for those who know me well, know that I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON! Upon arrival at the hospital, my dad, ever so the comedian in the family was more excited than I was. I think, in some way, this is a fulfillment for him to finally see his daughter thin (Potentially anyway!) After I checked in and family was no longer allowed behind the iron curtain, my nerves were getting to me. I was on the bed and the nurse came in to start the IV and I just started to cry, I was panicking really bad because I have never had an operation before. I did the only thing that I knew to do and that was call upon the name of the Lord. And when I had uttered the name of Jesus, the nurse who was about a 60 year old SIS-TAH said “That’s right honey, call him, shout his name!” and before I knew it she was holding my hand and singing some classic gospel hymns, You know the kind that starts with MMMMMM, MMMMM, with the head turns!. LOL What a blessing to have this woman as the nurse! Needless to say, I was much more relaxed. Now I was being wheeled into the operating room where I was greeted by the lovely sound of “OH, I want to dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me!” I was like, OK interesting choice of operating music, but I digress. The Doctor asked if I had any questions and I said “You wouldn’t happen to be snacking on Junior Mints would you?” He chuckled because he clearly got the Seinfeld reference. He explained what was going to happen and then I was introduced to the anesthesiologist, who HAD A COLD and was sucking back her mucus, and I was like Lord please help me! She could tell I was nervous and said she had just put to sleep a 950lb man yesterday, and I replied well “Did he wake up?” and the whole staff started to laugh, that was the last thing I remember.

I woke up at 10:00am and I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck! I could not catch my breath and thought I was going to die and the nurse said I needed to burp. I was like listen lady WTF?? Burp, give me some Oxygen…Sure enough, I let out a large burp and problem solved! LOL…When they operate Laparoscopically, they pump air inside of you to expand their view and I have to get all this air out over the next few days…So basically I have to burp and fart often! And every time I do, I feel myself deflating, if that makes sense…LOL. So from 10:00 to 2:00, I was in recovery completely feeling the affects of the anesthesia and Percocet. I got home by 3:30 and slept all day on the sofa. By midnight, Frank brought me to the bed and let me tell you lying down was HELL! I thought I was going to die; it was sooo painful that even though I was crooked and with one leg off of the bed, I told Frank to just leave me. Today is a lot better but it is still painful when I sit or stand, once up, I am ok, but moving those core muscles to sit/stand or twist hurts like HELL! Doctor said the gas and discomfort is normal and in the next few days I should be fine. Frank said I already look thinner! So that is what I have been up to since Tuesday! I am very excited for what the future holds and promise to post pictures soon. Thanks for reading!

13 Hours To Go!

Well tomorrow is the big day...T-Minus 13 hours till my new life begins. I am experiencing a full range of emotions but I must say I am really excited. The jitters that I feel are just because I am bit chicken about the anesthesia...OK for those mothers out there, I know it's not giving birth and having a human being RIPPED OUT OF YOU but nontheless, I am still nervous about it! However, I know that this is going to go well and I am being given a new lease on life. I am ready for the challenges to come but most of all I am ready to begin the discovery of an entire new way of thinking about food and the opportunity to shed this weight, both physically and emotionally. I want to thank everyone for being so supportive and I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow. I will be updating the blog as often as I can with post-op news!

If you have nothing nice to say..SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

So for those people who have no idea what is going on here, getting the Realize Band/Lap Band Surgery is not TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT. It merely provides the physical constraint needed to help me eat the right foods and control the amounts I consume. I still have to eat nutritional foods and exercise regularly. I have to follow the strict plan of action provided by my doctors and nutritionist. I can't believe I am even blogging about this but I know there are those who feel that this needs to be done naturally. If I wanted to lose weight I should just tap into my will power and work out and just do it already. Well thank you I never knew how to do that. You have enightened me. Well I have one thing to say SHUT UP! You have no idea what I deal with and you have no right whatsoever to advise me on this issue. There are those people who have utter DISDAIN for the obese and it is sickening and it is WRONG! Well I choose not to acknowledge the opinions of HATERS! Walk one day in my shoes and deal with the emotional baggage that I have carried for decades and let me know how easy it is to just go on a diet and exercise! So many people struggle with their weight and I am sick and tired of others judging me for what I, along with my husband, doctors and GOD have determined is the right path for me to take. I have a very good support system behind me and even if I didn't what business is it of yours to tell me what I should be doing with my body! This surgery is going to be life changing and it is going to allow me to achieve a goal that up to this point was only attainable in my dreams! draft

13 Days To Go!!!

Well as if the title didn't give it away. I have 13 days until my new life begins. No, this blog will not follow my sex change operation rather my journey to self discovery. After much thought, prayer and SEVERAL unsuccessful attempts to be free from this prison known affectionately as obesity, I have decided to pursue gastric banding surgery. I am not seeking your approval, permission or even validation of my decision. Rather, I am using this blog as a way to express my thoughts and emotions through this life altering journey. You see, my whole life has been marred by this extra weight. I have used it as a shield and a crutch. It has been my "insecurity blanket." Whatever was going wrong in my life, I could always blame it on the weight. I am quite frankly sick of the blame game. This is now an opportunity to live, to press "play" on my life. For those of you who do not have a weight issue, you might be confused. However, living this way is no life at all. It is truly a prison and a sentence without parole. The harder I tried, it was like the harder I fell. If I took two steps forward, I would take 6 steps backwards. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a chance, a chance to be healthy. A chance to be seen for the person that up until this point only, Jesus, my husband and mother ever even took the time to get to know. The idea that I can actually have the opportunity to be thin is almost something I can't wrap my brain around. To be seen is something I have never understood. I know it is hard to understand for my "thinnies," but the bigger a person is, the shell of their insides is smaller. I am breaking free and for the first time am looking forward to hearing someone say "Wow you are really pretty" whereas in the past that statement would aways be followed by a "but you need to lose some weight!" This blog will be my tool to document my journey. I promise to be as forthcoming as possible and my hopes are that you can really understand the emotional impact that all of this is having on me. I will document the ups and downs and try to enlighten all of you throughout this process. Thank you for reading...Stay Tuned!