Very Interesting

So I weighed myself this week and I LOST 6.6 pounds (3 kg) and it was Christmas! My weight loss total is 111.6 pounds (50.62 KG). I was very very good, I did not "enjoy" the staff breakfast on Friday nor did I pig out on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day...I did not go to Spin last night but I am thinking of getting to the gym tonight, but this whole week is up in the air due to vacation..I am really really tired and I just want to vegitate. I sort of wish I was one of those people who like to move all day and just go, go, go but I am definitely NOT that person. I am thinking that this is partly the reason for my weight issues all of my life...perhaps? Anyway, hoping this week goes well...Pray for me, I have been real anxious a lot these days...

The good, the bad and the UGLY!!!

Well I am THOROUGHLY PISSED!!!! I weighed my food, I journaled, I ate my protein but THEN I got my period on Sunday and therefore I weighed myself this morning and I only LOST .4 pounds (.18 KG), I have lost a total of 105 pounds (47.63 KG) WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?? I mean I am used to the weight gain during my period in a normal week but I just was soooo good this week that I thought for sure there would be a better loss this week!!! I even SKIPPED my Christmas Work Party yesterday just so that I would have a better weigh in this morning and this is what happens, less than a pound?? I really cant take this, I need to go punch something! Now Christmas is here and I just don't know what to do! I would like to enjoy my holiday but it is clear that the way that I enjoy holiday's is just NOT GOING to be possible this year...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Well on a FANTASTIC note, I have posted this picture so that those who read the blog but are not on Facebook could see...This was taken on Saturday and when I saw it I actually got tears in my eyes because I did not think it was me! You could actually see my shape and my hips and everything about it is AMAZING...So when I see this picture, i can see how far I have come on this journey..So in spite of this HORRENDOUS stretch of 3 weeks, I have to take one more step in the right direction, towards my goal, and that is what I am going to do...MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL, thanks for reading!

Beyond ASHAMED!

So I would like to start this week's entry with a confession: I AM A FAT BASTARD at heart! What does that mean, you ask?? That means my ENTIRE life has always been completely CONTROLLED by food! After the surgery, this control dwindled GREATLY...HOWEVER, as I am in the last tier (65 pounds from my goal) this whole process has gotten much, MUCH harder! I have to be EXTRA vigilant on making sure I am eating correctly, making the right choices and I really do not have much leeway at all! With that being said,, all this week at school, there were cookies, cupcakes, candy and each little bit, obviously just ADDS UP!!! Its not like I sat there and just ATE, but I took a bite here and a bite there....Oh and on Saturday at a church function they had a huge breakfast buffet and I had BACON, obviously a few too many!!! So that brings me to the following statement: I weighed myself and GAINED 3 POUNDS (1.36 Kg) for a total of 104.6 pounds (47.45 KG)!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH What am I doing? This weigh in is BEYOND a wake up call. I am getting back on the horse, AGAIN and hopefully I don't get flipped off AGAIN...Back to the basics this week, journaling, eating slow, protein and water..I am not ready to throw in the towel at this point...Huge challenges this week, at work I have the staff Christmas breakfast and the dinner party..NIGHTMARE!!!! ...That's all I have to say..Thanks for reading!

Dum da dum dum dummm!!!

I weighed myself today and I GAINED 1.4 pounds (.64 KG) for a total weigh loss of 107.6 pounds (48.81KG)I definitely KNEW that I was going to gain today but I was PRAYING it would not have been this much....I sort of had a love affair with some ice cream and cookies this week! What I don't get is even though I slipped up, I really tried to work it off at the gym AND I counted the calories and that slip up represented my lunch and dinner for that day, so WHY then, still the gain?? That's what I don't seem to understand...I am definitely upset about it but I am just moving forward because as we all know this is my journey and there are some bumps on the road along the way to my final goal...I am picking myself up off of the ground and taking a step for wad in the right direction...that's all I have to say...Thanks for reading

Oh and MY FAVORITE SPIN TEACHER IS BACK AT THE GYM....HOPEFULLY HE WILL KICK MY ASS ENOUGH OVER THIS WEEK TO MAKE A RECOVERY ON THE SCALE NEXT WEEK!!!

I WILL TAKE IT!

I weighed myself today and I LOST .6 pounds (.27 KG) this week for a grand total of 109 pounds (49.44 KG). This week was Thanksgiving so I think having ANY loss is GREAT! Although I did not gorge myself, I definitely ate things which are normally not part of my menu. I did have a MAJOR victory this week, I actually worked out the morning of Thanksgiving and I have NEVER done that! I was sooooo proud of myself! While some of my dishes were in the oven, I told Frank to watch the oven because i was going to shoot over to the gym and work out! I must say, starting my Thanksgiving day with a workout definitely made a difference in my overall mentality that day. I seemed more focused to do well and not "enjoy" myself too much. I ate sensibly and even had a piece of pumpkin pie! So although I never am super thrilled to report less than a pound for a week's weight loss, I am not going to complain becuase it was a holiday and every drop in the bucket counts! I went Black Friday shopping for the FIRST and LAST time and at 4am, while in line at Kohl's, I ate half of a Ghiradelli Peppermint Chocolate Bar! I miscalculated the calories because my brain was not working at that time the day. I thought half the bar was 120 calories but it really was 220 YIKES, maybe that is what did it..who knows but like I said before, every drop in the bucket will eventually lead me to an overflow and that is what I am looking forward to!

I was talking to a co-worker and she is this tiny little thing who weighs only 100 pounds, and I basically have lost a small person off of my enormous ass! I lost a small person, when you compare it that way, you can really get an idea as to how much thinner I actually am today! My next goal is to get to a loss of 115 pounds....I WILL DO IT!!! Thanks for reading!

Gobble Gobble

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 2.4 lbs (1.09 KG) for a total of 108.4 lbs (49.17 KG). I am back on track for sure! In addition to working out at my usual gym, I bought a punch card for Kingley Health. This is a unique gym in that EVERYONE that works there is an Exercise Physiologist and it helps me go for that extra strength training day over the weekend! Oh and Frank has been joining me! He even said we should go one more day too, so I am trying to figure out the best schedule that will hopefully spark a fire under his ass and that wont conflict with my gym schedule at my regular gym. I am open to suggestions, if anyone has any?? Well this week is Thanksgiving and I am going into it with a game plan, or should I say an eating plan so that next Tuesday reflects a loss!

On another note, I bought a pair of jeans a month ago and already they look like clown pants, and although this makes me feel amazing, it is really annoying to have to keep spending money on clothes when I am not RICH! I spoke to my doctor and she wants me to go for a Hystersonogram next month, so hoping that it all turns out well...In honor of Thanksgiving, I would like to take a moment to thank our Lord for all the blessing sin my life: My adoring husband, my family & friends, a job that I really enjoy going to, my health, a great church, and I am sure there is soooo much more but I am really sleepy this morning! Have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING, and let's not forget the many blessings in ALL of our lives that sometimes, we forget about because of our crazy hectic days! Thanks for reading!

Back On

I weighed myself this morning and I LOST 1.4 pounds (.64 KG) for a total of 106 pounds (48.08 KG). I would have liked to have been lower than this ONLY becuase I had the gain last week...HOWEVER, I will take it and just keep moving forward. On a typical week I would be THRILLED at a 1.4 loss so I am trying to keep that in my mind.

I am actually more concerned about the fact that I got my period again this week and I don't understand what is happening to my body since the surgery (Alien Baby removal surgery not the band!) I put a call into my doctor to see what is up. I will keep you posted on that...

SO NOT PROUD OF MYSELF TODAY!

Well I had a VERY TOUGH week this week. It was Halloween and I ATE some chocolate! By some, I really mean 4 snack size bars PLUS one regular sized chocolate bar! I also had a baby shower filled with nothing good for me as well as a dinner party with a main dish that, although DELICIOUS, not figure friendly! Oh and at the party, there were tons of sweets that I definitely tasted as well! So with that introduction, all I can say is that I weighed myself today and I GAINED 2.2 pounds(1 KG) I have lost a total of 104.4 pounds (47.36 KG). The ONE TRIUMPH that I had this week was that on Thursday, I did a 1 hr boot camp class followed by a 1 hour spin class. I have NEVER pushed my body that hard in my entire life! So I had a really bad week and all I can say is that today is a NEW day and I am back on track and I hope that next week will show a loss and this will be just a minor detour in my journey to seeking my thin self! Thanks for reading!

Just Keep Swimming!!

I weighed myself today and unfortunately I STAYED THE SAME! I have lost a total of 106.6 pounds (48.35 kg). I had my period this week and I feel like I am retaining water so that is definitely part of it. The other part of it could be that yesterday there was a party at school and I had a piece of the MOST DELICIOUS CAKE EVER!!! It was sooooooooooooooooooooooooo good and I ENJOYED every bite...The positive thing was that I looked up the calories when I got home and took my ass to the gym and did not leave until I BURNED OFF EVERY LAST BITE! I guess that is a success because I don't think the old Keli would have even bothered trying to even things out! I did my measurements this week and I have lost 4 more inches off of my body (10.16 cm) with the largest loss being from my waist and hips! I have lost a total of 55 inches (139.70cm) which I am pretty sure is the total height of a small Asian man! Anyway, this week I have a baby shower to go to and I have a doctor's appointment during one of my scheduled workouts so I am going to have to be EXTRA diligent writing down every morsel that enters my mouth..I AM COMMITTED TO LOSING THE REST OF THIS WEIGHT...HERE I COME!!!! Off to work, thanks for reading!

On a Roll!

I weighed myself today and I LOST 1.4 pounds (.64 kg) for a total of 106.6 pounds (48.35 kg) since my surger in late March of 2010!!!!! I am 19.4 pounds (8.8 kg) lighter since I was in Venezuela!!! I am much happier now that I am actually eating a normal amountg of food. Since I had some fluid taken out of the band, I do not feel the band and that is a MAJOR relief. Some POSITIVE NEWS: I was able to complete a "Boot Camp" class at my gym this week! Boot Camp is eesentially the HARDEST class that they have at the gym, in my opinion. There are 10 stations of strength training exercises from dips to planks and 10 stations of cardio from jumping jacks top running in place. I was able to 6 of teh exercises without any modifications and the rest I had to alter so that I could compelte them. BUT, I was stoked that I finished and it was one of the BEST workouts I have had in a LONG TIME! Sooooo challenging! I went shopping for a new pair of jeans this week and I am wearing the same size that I wore as a freshman in high school, that was 19 years ago!!! I am just on a roll and I cannot wait for my next goal to be reached and I am getting there day by day...Thanks for reading!!! Oh for those of you reading, please say a prayer for my spin instructor, Bob, he ishaving surgery and will be out of cimmission for 5 weeks. He is my FAVORITE spin teacher so the sooner he recovers the sooner he will be back in class kiciking our asses!!! Thanks again!

This is the beginning of something NEW!

I weighed myself today and I lost .6 pounds (.27 kg) for a total of 105.2 pounds lost (47.72 kg). I will take it becuase I was expecting a gain! Well this past week was definitely EVENTFUL. I saw a nutritionist that my doctor’s office had recommended. This particular lady has extensive experience working with band patients to get them to reach their goals etc. Since I had not seen a nutritionist in a while and it was free with my insurance, I made an appointment. She performed all of these diagnostic tests on me and she asked me to keep a food diary for 3 days prior to my appointment so she could review what I was eating. To my surprise, she told me that I NEED TO EAT MORE! She said that I was getting anywhere between 700-1000 calories daily and that was terrible and if I wanted to lose weight and not just lean muscle that I need to make a change. She said that my target should be 1640 daily calories with an emphasis on my protein, which I knew, and I told her there is just nooooooo way I could eat that much, with my current band restriction. She said I either am going to have to drink my calories, or go to the doctor and get my band loosened in order to allow myself to eat the extra calories. She also said that I might gain weight since I am now upping my calorie intake but that this will stabilize and be lost after my body was out of shock. Essentially, I am eating so few calories that I am in starvation mode. Well, I left her office ready to jump off of a bridge because the very ideas of putting on even an OUNCE PISSES ME OFF TO NO END! Seriously folks, I spent an hour in the car CRYING my eyes out. But, my head knew that this woman knew what she was talking about and besides, I hate my band this tight. I only made it this tight thinking that I would get to my goal sooner, STUPID ME! Well I am going to my doctor this afternoon to have the band tightened and I will take it from there. I am VERY interested in your comments this week. Many of you have been lifelong dieters, like me, and are curious if you think that this nutritionist is advising me correctly. Anyway, this is the start of a new chapter on this journey that I am on. I know I will reach my goal and I thank you for reading and COMMENTING back to me!!!

One pound at a time...

I weighed myself today and I lost 1.2 pounds (.54 kg) this week for a total of 104.6pounds (47.45 kg) of TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS!!! I must say I was a tiny, VERY TINY, bit disappointed becuase I am sooooo close to being down another "10" and having a number change in my weight. Believe me, THAT IS THE MOST EXCITING PART OF THIS WHOLE JOURNEY...First I saw the 1st number change from a 3 to a 2 and now I get sooooo gitty when the second number changes..it means I am that much closer to ONE-DERLAND!!!!! Hey I still have a bit to go but when that second number changes, it is just sooooooo exciting!! Let's see, this week was pretty uneventful, although I am still relishing everytime I do that quad stretch! Since we had this crazy summer weather this week, I actually had to get some clothes from my good will bags out and they are FALLING OFF ME!! Love that feeling. I am looking forward to the day I can wear a sleeveless shirt, the day I can shop at regular stores and GUESS WHAT? EVERY DAY I GET CLOSER AND CLOSER!!!! Sooooooooooooooooooooo happy right now, gotta run to work! This week will be challenging as I have a bunch of meetings after work so I will be missing my regualr gym classes, which means I have to work out on my own and between you and me, not my strong suit, so say a little prayer for me! Thanks for reading!

The Beat Goes On!!!

I weighed myself today and I lost 1.8 pounds (.82 kg) this week for a total of 103.4pounds (46.90 kg) of TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS!!!! I am really ecstatic at this point and the one thing I wanted to make sure I mentioned in this week's blog is that while I was at Spin Class last night, I had noticed that doing the quad stretch where you lift your ankle to you butt, well IT IS SOOOOOO MUCH EASIER NOW that my ass isnt in the way!!! I was really stoked last night realizing how even a simple stretch is much easier becuase I have lost, I will say it again 103.4 pounds!!! Also I spoke with my doctor and unfortunately my band is at capacity. I was a little shocked but this just means that I have to get to my goal at my current restriction..I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!! I really would love to be below 200 pounds within the next year, preferably by my birthday in JUNE....Now I realize this is an AMBITIOUS goal so I am going to be taking it in 10 pound increments...I went shopping again this week although I love to shop, I hate spending money every few weeks havingto replace my jeans and some necessary staples....anyway, off to work...THANKS FOR READING

I DID IT!!!!!!

Well last week was rough, I was just really really depressed and had a bad cold, that I kind of went nuts in the sense that for 2 days I was soooo depressed, I could not eat very much. Then I realized that I was STARVING that I was like "self, what are you doing?" SO I started eating more and by day 3 I was back on the plan that I had not focused on for a while...PROTEIN, PROTEIN, PROTEIN and WATER, WATER, WATER!!!! Because I was sick, I did not work out AT ALL and guess what??? I LOST 7.6 pounds (3.45 kg) for a total of 101.6 pounds of TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS (46.08 kg)!!!! For the latter part of the week, I really cut my portions BIG TIME, focused on getting my 70 grams of protein daily and just ate really well, so I guess the point is that I had veered from the original plan...This is how I ate 17 months ago when I first had the surgery and I plan on continuing it this week!!!! I reached my first goal and now I am on to my second goal...50 more pounds....I CAN DO THIS, I KNOW I CAN!!!! Thanks for reading

I DONT GET IT!!!

Ok I stepped on the scale and NOTHING!!!! I WEIGH THE SAME AS LAST WEEK...Something is VERY wrong here and I dont know what it is. My doctor said nothing is wrong with the function of the band but it is probably my food choices, diet etc...Now if I go back mentally, I am not seeing that but I DID NOT JOURNAL, so guess what? This week, JOURNALING!!! I really dont get it at all...I honestly dont. I worked out 5 days this week, KILLING it each time...I truthfully am not understanding this one bit! I have lost a grand total of 94 pounds (42.64 kg). I really wish I knew what was happening to my body at thsi point becuase if I was 6 pounds away from my FINAL goal, I could see the point of my body being this stubborn, BUT I am six pounds away from my first goal of 100 pounds and then I would like to lose another 80, so this is BEYOND depressing at this point..LORD HELP ME! Friends help me, I ned some solid advice from ALL who are reading this and a little encouragement would be awesome as well. Going to work...thanks for reading!

STUNNED

OK SO I was sooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed last week when I gain .75 pounds that I had a delicious bowl of ice cream and a Kit Kat bar only to discover that I had gotten my period the next day...So to counteract this IDIOTIC decision, I worked out like crazy this week and really watched myself....WELL IT DID NOT WORK!!! I GAINED 1.2 pounds (.54 KG) I have lost a grand total of 94 pounds (42.64 kg) I have to say I am a little shocked, i mean I had the ice cream but i thought for sure all the working out would have counter acted my bad choice last week...I do not get it really..It's like I have to be 100% perfect ALL THE TIME, or the scale simply says FUCK YOU! I hate this!!! I am now 6 pounds away from my goal and I am truly pissed! I really have NOTHING ELSE TO SAY at this point...I am ashamed beyond measure....

UNEXPLAINABLE!

I weighed myself today and I GAINED .75 pounds ( .34 kg) for a total of 95.3 pounds (43.23 kg). If I could explain this gain I would most definitely be doing it here but I CAN'T! I worked out 6 days this week and did not eat anything that I wasn't supposed to. I am due to get my period this week so that is my ONLY conclusion. I want this 100 pounds sooooooooooooooooooo badly and I would be LYING if I said I was not shocked this morning and equally PISSED!!! Anyway, I really have nothing else to say except that I am still committed to this 100 pound goal and I will be working really hard this week and hopefully next Tuesday I will have GREAT NEWS to report. Thanks for reading!

AWESOME WEEK!!!!!

I weighed myself today and I LOST 4.2 pounds (1.91 kg) for a total of 96 pounds (43.54 kg)!!!!!! In addition, I took my measurements this week and I have lost 52 inches (132.08 cm)combined from my arms, waist, hips, chest, neck etc...I am truly amazed! I have to say that I am CONSTANTLY reminded that EVERY DAY is a new day for me to make a good food choice or a bad one; to make exercise an integral part of my day or not and by the results this week, guess which choices were made??? The band is a tool, and everything I do on a daily basis can maximize its benefits or hinder my progress. I am 4 pounds away from 100 and I want it soooooooooooooooooooooooooo badly!!! I start school this week and getting to the gym on most days was tough. Partly because it would require me going on the weekends where there are no afternoon classes and just do my own thing. I have decided that I am NOT going to be intimidated ANY LONGER. I never used to go on the weekends because I was afraid of what people might think...NO MORE...I can see how it is NECESSARY for me to go 4-5 times per week to achieve the weekly goals that make me SING!!!! Besides I caught a glimpse of myself in the panoramic mirror at the gym the other day and I did a double take...not too shabby!!!! Thanks for reading!!!

This is ANNOYING!!!!

I weighed myself today and I gained .5 (.23 kg)for a total weight loss of 91.8 lbs (41.64 kg) and I am really really annoyed!!! It took me a few days to get back into the swing of things and my exercise consisted of only one spin class this week, perhaps that's the reason? who knows? I did spend DAYS cleaning the apartment which was under the sole care of my husband for three weeks, that is exercise, trust me!!!!

I do not get how, while away, eating foods that I normally WOULD NOT eat, I lose weight and then while home I gain??? I want that 100 lbs! I NEED that 100 lbs!!! I start work next week and I am hoping that my schedule will allow for my routine to settle back in. I really do not know what else to say except that I am really disappointed...I am going to see my band surgeon today, and hopefully I will get some insight into what exactly is happening here...thanks for reading and I am still committed, I WANT THAT 100 lbs by the end of SEPTEMBER!!!!!!

Back home

Well I am back home and I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy to see my hubby! Awesome reunion ;)

I weighed myself today, I know it is wednesday but I needed to log something into the system. Well I LOST 4 pounds for a total of 92.6 pounds (42 kg) , I am 7.4 pounds away from 100 lbs (45.36 kg... I could not be happier becuase the food is definitely different there and I definitely tasted the "MUST HAVE FOODS" more than once! I know a lot of it has to do with the workout I did in the AVILA and thankfully the band limits my portions. The phrase "poco y poco" was coined by my cousin becuase I had to eat little by little! The Avila is this mountain range that surrounds Caracas. It was a walking trail up a portion of the Mountain...My cousin said it was about 1.2 miles but it was up an incline and very uneven terrain, I was THOUROUGHLY IMPRESSED by myself...ACCOMPLISHMENTS, ACCOMPLISHMENTS, ACCOMPLISHMENTS!! I hope you all laughed at the video of my EXHAUSTED self after it was done, it was on FB! LOL

One More Week

Hey Folks...unfortunately, I am unable to weigh myself AGAIN..highly frustrating, but I KNOW I gained a few pounds on this trip for a few reasons. In Caracas, I was exercising, in Maturin, I am not....My cousin keeps saying ¨we will¨but when it comes down to it, we dont..I kind of need accompaniment since I cannot be galavanting alone. Also the food here, although DELICIOUS, is not condusive for weight loss..lots of white flour, white rice, etc and lastly I have partaken in a few desserts this week, which I NEVER do at home...add all these things up and it equals weight gain! I will be able to weigh my self on Saturday when I go back to Caracas as my other cousin has a scale in his house. My portions are still good, I am literally eating two meals a day and get full after 2 to 3 bites but like I said the combinations of foods is not helping...and they really do not eat their 5 to 7 servings of fruits and veggies here...I will get back on track in no time and proceed towards my 100 pound goal, my next HUGE milestone, really looking forward to it!

On another note, I amn really enjoying myself and I am soooooo grateful to have been given the opportunity to be here with my family. They are truly awesome people, and I am sooooo loving it...I feel my mom´s presence soooo strongly and it just is amazing. Looking forward to coming back with Frank and am hoping that they can come visit me in NJ some time soon..Anyway, thanks for reading!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!

Well I am currently in Maturin, Venezuela spending the next two weeks with my cousin Reinaldo, his wife and their ADORABLE PERFECT Munchkin! I had a BLAST in Caracas with my other cousin, Ricardo, he is the one pictured with me in my FB profile. He too is awesome, not as awesome as me, but pretty close! LOL.... I have not done many tourist activities because this trip is about family and just spending time with them. It really makes me heart happy. I feel my mom closer to me each day because her brother´s have many of the same mannerism´s she had. For those of you who have known me for a long time, you will know that I really do not have much family in the states. I always prayed for a big CLOSE family, thought I would marry into it but my husband´s family is actually CRAZIER than my own, who knew that was possibile! I LOVE that my cousin´s are huggers, like me, and I love that they are sooooo affectionate, because my own brother is not so much a touchy feely guy. They are certainly filling my heart with tons of love and I am going to be soooooooo sad when I leave! I cried when Ricardo left to return to Caracas and I stayed here! Weird, I know! LOL My uncles are awesome and my mom was right, her family ROCKS! So grateful to be here and the ONLY thing that would make it better is if Frank were here with me. I plan on returning next year and I KNOW Frank will come along.

Well now to weight loss. Unfortuantely, I am unable to weigh myself because they do not have a scale. Because my cousin is at work and his wife is with the new born, we can´t go to a pharmacy to do my official weigh in...BUT, I have been a very good girl...I am following my diet plan and have not strayed. While in Caracas, I worked out several times and even climbed 26 flights of stairs with my cousin, legs were like JELLO! I plan on going for a walk when the sun goes down becuase it is hotter than HADES here right now...Anyway, I will continue to blog even without being able to post a result...Thanks for reading!

D-DAY

I weighed myself today and I GAINED A POUND (.45 kg) this week for a total loss of 87.2 pounds (39.55 KG) LOST in 70 weeks. I am somewhat PISSED as I worked out four times this week and my diet was good, filled with quality choices BUT AUNT FLOW was visiting so that could be a reason. Then again, the INTENSE HELL LIKE TEMPERATURE over the past week could also be the reason for some water retention or maybe it is my body evening out from the two previous weeks where I lost 10 pounds...Who knows, I don't and I have NO GUILT because I have been on program and this to shall pass and give rise to a brand new day.

So today is the BIG DAY, it is 3am and I am just about ready to leave for the airport to begin my trek to Venezuela! I am really excited about seeing my family but I have KNOTS in my stomach about this plane trip. I really just want to get into that seat and not have to use a seat belt extender. I plan on updating my Facebook page with the results but I do not want to blast "I FIT!" so in honor of Seinfeld, what else, I will post "Tippy Toe!" which will let you know that I fit into the seat and all is well...I will be blogging from Venezuela so I hope you continue to read and I plan on exercising and making good food choices while abroad, so I want to be one step further to my 100 pound mark up[on my return. Thanks for reading!

AMAZED!

I weighed myself today and I lost 5 LBS (2.27 kg) this week for a total loss of 88.2 pounds (40.01 KG) LOST in 69 weeks. I AM SUPER EXCITED! I went to spin class 2x this week and worked out on my own 2x as well. I also made healthy, PLANNED food choices ALL WEEK so I certainly got what I put in and it feels really great...

Getting this band was the BEST decision I have ever made and I only wish that I would have kept on top of my band fills so that I would not have had sooooo many bumps in the road. I think I was trying to do this sort of "on my own" by not following the doctor's recommendations of when I should get my fills. I do not think I will be doing that any more especially after seeing the results that I have had the last two weeks!

Well my trip to Venezuela is next week and I would appreciate ALL of you to PRAY for two things: traveling mercies & that I FIT INTO THAT PATHETICALLY SMALL THING THEY DARE CALL A SEAT!!!! I do not want to use a seat belt extender, something that I have had to use in the past. I hate asking for it b/c the look on the flight attendants face makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap. Also I do not want to be "overflowing" into the seat next to me. When I fly with someone I know, it makes that easier as my husband or other friends would have a little grace on me. Lastly, I would LOVE for the arm rest to be able to be down all while not crushing my legs giving me HUGE black & blues by the time the flight was over. I am hoping and praying that this goes off without a hitch, so I would truly appreciate your prayers.

I am 12 pounds away from the 100 lb mark and I WANT IT SOOOOOOOO BADLY. I want to return to school and have EVERYONE do a double take! That would be just awesome! Anyway, thanks for reading, until next time...Oh and I ABSOLUTELY plan on weighing myself and blogging from Venezuela to help keep me on track while away...

Confessions...

I got my fill this week, eating much less, I am trying to figure out if the tightness of teh band is appropriate for me at this point, since I have gotten sooooo far away from how I was in the beginning, I have to retrian myself to eat this small again..It's always a retraining process, ALWAYS...

I weighed myself today and I lost 5.2 LBS (2.36 kg) this week for a total loss of 83.2 pounds (37.83 KG) LOST in 68 weeks. In case you are wonderng why the total weight loss hasn't moved much, it is very simple, I LIED LAST WEEK! I was morified that instead of actually gaining 3 pounds last week, I actually gained 9! I do not know what exactly is wrong with with me that when I have such a huge pitfall I cannot be honest. I really have an issue. So I have decided to fix that and here is how I have proposed to do so. I am finally going to reveal it, I am going to face my weight. I always said I would NEVER reveal how much I weighed, but I am prepared to do it now. When I started last year, the morning of my weigh in I was 376.6 pounds (170.82 KG)...My weight this morning was 293.4 (133.08 kg) The reason I think revealing this "magic number" is that I have been HIDING my entire life and it is time to stop hiding... Now that I have my fill, I feel like I am in a good place and I plan on returning to the gym as soon as I get my clearance which is actually happening today!

Now for some POSITIVES, I went to the movies and I was able to sit in the middle of the row with no issues. I am wearing a size 18/20 which I have not worn since freshamn year of high school. I also met a friend that I have not seen in over a year and she said I looked spectacular. I am looking forward to the next few weeks as my eating is certainly at the place it was immediately following surgery. I think what happened was that I let too much time pass between fills...I am not going to let this happen again and I hope that by making this big reveal, it will somehow take the shame away...Looking forward to your comments, either on here or through text etc.

Tomorrow is IT!!!

I weighed myself today and I Gained 3 LBS (1.36 kg) this week for a total loss of 83.4 pounds (37.83 KG) LOST in 67 weeks. This gain is due to MANY reasons. I am retaining water from my period, yes, BUT I am in desperate need of a fill and have been eating more than normal. In addition, with the holiday, I Have gone to 4 barbeque's in the last 5 days! So that in itself, I mean it all makes sense. I am not super bummed as I could tell this was happening and I am CONFIDENT that it will come off rather quickly as tomorrow I am GETTING MY FILL. This fill was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo overdue. I should not have waited this long because before you know it, you are eating more and more each day. Now I know I am not supposed to rely on the band 100% HOWEVER, i would not have NEEDED this surgery if i did not have FOOD ISSUES my ENTIRE LIFE! Well regardless of this weeks'; hiccup, I have TONS to be grateful for, I am wearing the smallest size pants I HAVE EVER WORN, I have lost almost 3 FEET of excess inches and I will say it, I LOOK GOOD! So tomorrow I get the fill and back on the yellow brick road I go! A friend just posted a picture of the world famous Cyclone roller coaster on her Facebook page...I wonder how much weight I need to lose before I can attempt top go on it, I Have ALWAYS wanted to ride it! Soon and VERY SOON, thanks for reading!

I NEED A FILL!

I weighed myself today and I Gained .2 LBS (.09 kg) this week for a total loss of 86.4 pounds (39.19 KG) LOST in 66 weeks. I am not going to lie, I am upset, HOWEVER, I just got my period and I CAN'T EXERCISE! I never realized how much weight loss dependent on the total package, eating well, exercising, being hormonally balanced! Thankfully the gain this week was rather minuscule. I am also due for a fill, I know this because i am hungrier sooner and I can eat "more" than before which is never good! I am scheduled to have my fill next Wednesday, July 6th...So that will give me 3 more weigh in's before my trip...Today is the last day of school and I am SUPER EXCITED! I wish I could go swimming but I can't until I have my last doctor's appointment in 2 weeks! Kind of sucks as it is sooooooo hot! Anyway, thanks for reading, the journey continues!

WORKING FOR A LIVING..TAKING WHAT THEIR GIVING!

I weighed myself today and I Lost .4 LBS (.18 kg) this week for a total loss of 86.6 pounds (39.28 KG) LOST in 65 weeks. So I lost what I gained last week. This is frustrating but I am not allowed to exercise, only slow walks to keep teh blood flowing not "power walking!"
I think I also may be getting my period as I have other symptoms that are common at that time. Hey this is my journey...

I took my measurements and I have lost a total of 44 inches off of my hips, waist, arms. neck, chest and thighs...Just to put that into perspective, that is 3.67 FT or 1.12 meters...I AM IMPRESSED!

I am going back to work today and I am really excited. I think returning to work will continue to help aid in the healing process. I will be mostly at my desk and doing a lot of paperwork. Hey there is only so much TV a person can watch!

I have 5 more weigh in's until my trip to Venezuela and I am committed to doing everything in my control to make the next 5 weigh ins a success. I see my doctor on July 10th and she will hopefully clear me to return to the gym and do more than just light strolls around the block. I know that once that happens things will progress more. Hey life happens in between your plans and I certainly did not plan on having an Alien baby removed from my abdomen nor did I plan on taking an 8 week respite from intense exercise. This is a life long journey and as long as I continue to take one step at a time, I will make it to the finish line! Thanks for reading and say a prayer for my first day back at work.

Speechless

I weighed myself today and GAINED .6 LB (.27 kg) this week for a total loss of 86.2 pounds (39.10 kilograms) LOST in 64 weeks. I almost fell off my scale this week as I really was anticipating a loss. I have been making more quality food choices. I have been eating less nonsense carbs, having my protein and my water....I mean what does a girl have to do? I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo upset as my goal before Venenzuela is another 15 pounds (6.8 kg) and my overall goal is to lose another 100 pounds (45 kg) in another year. I do not understand what is happening. Yes I have been more sedentary as moving around hurts but I thought by me being extra vigilant with my food choices, I would have a loss! I really do not knwo what else to say except, I am working at it. Everyday, I want this more and more and in spite of these obstacles I WILL GET THERE....Thanks for reading

What exactly is an Alien Baby?

Well if you have not heard the reason why I did not blog last week, rest assured it had NOTHING TO DO with a possible weight gain. It had everything to do with the fact that I was attached to a morphine drip during my 4 day "vacation" at St. Peter's University Hospital. On Sunday morning, around 4am, I woke up in excrutiating pain like if someone was stabbing me in my side. Frank woke up and was very scared as I was screaming and sweating and rolled into a ball. He took me to the ER where they did one test and within minutes were wheeling me into emergency surgery! Fun right? It turns out that I had ENORMOUS DERMOID CYSTS on my ovaries. They removed two cysts from my right ovary measuring 5cm and 10 cm, my right ovary and my right fallopian tube. They also removed a cyst from my left measuring 2.5 cm. These cysts are quite large and for that reason they could not come out laparoscopically throught the belly button, rather they needed to slice me open "like a smoked sturgeon!" For that reason, I am not allowed to return to work for several weeks! Really sucks as I will not be paid and I actually LOVE MY JOB! But I will get through this... My left ovary is still in tact and just to ease everyone's mind, both my brother and I were conceived by a mom with only one ovary. At this point I think being overweight would be more of a hinderance to pregnancy.

I titled this blog, what is an Alien Baby? Why? Read this exerpt about dermoid cysts
Dermoids are bizarre because they contain many different types of cells. They arise from a single cell that has the potential to become anything in the body. They are often filled with a greasy, thick fluid and may contain hair, cartilage and even well-formed teeth! Sweat glands, thyroid tissue and muscle fibers may also be found. Old textbooks showed dermoids as a tiny "humunculous," or human being within the ovary.
SO here is a picture of my ALIEN BABY:




Pretty FREAKING WEIRD HUH??? The worst part is that the surgeon took this photo while I was on the table. I am assuming to show her doctor buddies later! How freaking crazy is that? Hey guys, look at what I did this morning?? I mean really?

Each day I get better and better, still cannot do stairs and I am sort of a prisoner in my apartment. But I weaned myself off of the pain meds becuase I could not handle the loopiness, confusion and the fact that I could not stay awake for more than 5 minutes at a time. They sell this "medication" on the street, but i was never into drugs so I really did not appreciate that type of high! So I am dealing with the discomfort naturally, and like I said it is getting better each day. Keep me in your prayers.

Oh and lastly, the reason for thsi blog, my weight loss....I weighed myself today and LOST 12.2 LBS (5.53 kg) this week for a total loss of 86.8 pounds (39.37 kilograms) LOST in 63 weeks. Thanks for reading!

Wish I knew

I weighed myself today and GAINED 2.4 LBS (1.09 kg) this week for a total loss of 74.6 pounds( 33.84 kilograms) LOST in 61 weeks.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON..I worked out 6 days this week! I am putting a call into my doctor today to see if I need the band tightened. I cannot believe this. I am soooooooooooooooo ashamed, I feel like a COMPLETE FAILURE...I even did a liquid diet 2 days this week, to try and shock my body into working again, and NOTHING! I really wish I knew what was wrong here, but I have no clue. I have gained weight the last two weeks and my Venezuela trip is approaching and I need to LOSE so that I fit into the SEAT! OH MY GOD, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS WRONG HERE!

WHAT THE FUCK???

I weighed myself today and GAINED 1.4 LBS (.64 kg) this week for a total loss of pounds( 35.11 kilograms) LOST in 60 weeks.

I worked out 6 days this week. I wanted to try something and see what the outcome on the scale would be. Although it is hard to say since I got a surprise gift, 10 days early, yep my period AGAIN! Sooo weird, going to the doctor to make sure it is not related to that cyst that I have on my ovary.

I really do not know what to say. I did not stray from the plan and I committed really hard to my work outs this week, I was anticipating breaking the 80 pound (36.29 kg) this week. I really have NOTHING to say except that I am PISSED!

If you have not heard, I was offered my contract for next year. SO EXCITING! I am so grateful to God for honoring me in this way. I worked really hard and I am just thrilled to be at the school that I am at with a boss that I respect and who is an overall NICE person!

Anyway, I really have NOTHING to say at this point except that I am beyond disappointed and just sooooooo angry, I need to stop typing before I throw my laptop across the living room! Thanks for reading, hopefully, next week, I will have better news!

Sweet!

I weighed myself today and LOST 1.4 LBS (.64 kg) this week for a total of 78.8 pounds(35.74 kilograms) LOST in 59 weeks.

I can TASTE 80 pounds, and I am not giving up! My goal is 100 lbs (45.36 kg) by Venezuela. I bought my ticket this weekend. Praying that I continue to lose and I can fly somewhat comfortable. I just do not want to spill over into the seat next to me. If I can do that, I will be really HAPPY! I will be going from July 26-August 16, 2011. I am really excited and the only thing that would make it better is if Frank could go with me, but his job is just too demanding. Thankfully, he understands why I need and want to go and he is supportive.

So this week, my friend helped me clean out my closet. I am really grateful as I needed her to say "LET IT GO!" and help me purge my closet. There were 7 trash bags thrown away of clothes that were just too big. That's always a nice feeling!

I worked out with the trainer this weekend. I told him about my injuries and how my legs were just THROBBING from running so he curtailed the workout and he still KICKED MY ASS! He is really good though, wish I had the cash to get him here more than once per week.

In the process of cleaning out the closet, I found tons of work clothes, with tags still on them in various sizes. I am now wearing a size that I have not worn since High School! People at work are starting to notice now, which is always awesome.

This week was Mother's Day and it was single-handedly, THE HARDEST DAY that I have had since my beloved mommy was taken from us. I felt such an emptiness and it was really painful. Seeing all the mom's with their flowers and all dressed up at church was truly an agonizing experience. Thankfully, the Lord comforts...

So this week, I want to add another workout to my regimen. Hopefully, an extra day will allow me to have a higher loss next week. We shall see, thanks for reading!

Annoying!

I weighed myself today and only LOST .2 LBS (.09 kg) this week for a total of 77.4 pounds(35.11 kilograms) LOST in 58 weeks. PATHETIC!!! I cannot figure this out, I did not cheat at all and I am really pissed this morning. I did have an awesome loss last week, perhaps, my body is balancing out...no idea...sooooo annoyed! I need t0 lose 22.6 pounds more by my trip! This is soooooo hard, even with the band, losing weight is a constant challenge. Daily, I have to make the right choices on my diet, exercise etc...Just once I would like not to have my this pressure on myself, no such luck I guess...

This week was pretty uneventful, EXCEPT for the time I spent shopping for the DREADED BATHING SUIT! The good news is that I am SEVERAL SIZES smaller, HOWEVER, I may be the object of some local whale harpooners! I would rather do ANYTHING than have to look at my body in a 3-D mirror, I mean really, it is the most OBJECTIONABLE NIGHTMARE known to the female species! Someday, maybe I won't mind so much, although I do not know many women who enjoy bathing suit shopping...

It has been one week since my cousins have gone home, and I really miss them..It is the strangest thing, because I saw them once when I was 4, Once ten years ago and then last week..yet the bond that I have with all of them is very strong. For those of you who have read this blog and have known me for years, you will know how I always hoped and prayed for a big and here is the key GENUINE extended family. I am so grateful for technology, like Skype and Facebook, which allows us to stay in touch and I am really excited about my trip.

Speaking of my trip, truthfully, I AM FREAKED over flying and TRIPLE FREAKED at having to fit in those seats! My plan is to continue doing what I am doing and hopefully I will be 100 lbs (45 KG) lighter!

I returned to teh gym tonight, went to spin class, feeling great! I have been walking and I will be talking to my trainer about incorporating speed walking in our weekly workout sessions. Anyway, thanks for reading!

What a week!

I weighed myself today and I LOST 4.8 LBS (2.18 kg) this week for a total of 77.2 pounds(35.02 kilograms) LOST in 57 weeks. So this is the lightest I have been in at least 12 years...

My cousin Ricardo and his wife Esther came to visit from Venezuela this week and it was soooooo much fun. I spent the majority of each day with them and it was just a great week, way too short but a great week. We went to see Jersey Boys and I must say, those seats were still a tight squeeze! I told my cousin had I not lost 70+ pounds prior to that, it would have NEVER been possible....So I need to look on the bright side, although this may be harder than it sounds. Ricardo noticed the following: he said I beat myself up a lot...I know that I do and I know that I am CONSTANTLY criticizing everything about me..to the point that I make myself sick...I don't get it, I mean childhood stuff aside, I am 32 years old and I am sick of this having a hold on me. We were taking pictures and I really thought I would have looked better and I had each picture retaken sooooooooooooooooooooo many times! And even on the ones I posted, all I could see were my flaws, but I posted them anyway.

It was definitely an emotional time for me on sooo many levels. They were great, the bond that we share is very strong. I saw my mom a few times this week, in some of the words that Ricardo had said...sounded just like how my mom would say them. That part was hard but sweet at the same time...

My legs are KILLING ME! I mean I have been running with the trainer and I LOVE The feeling, but seriously my knees, shins, ankles are KILLING...to the point that I need 4days of recovery time, which is just not cool...My cousin's wife said I need to just walk fast for a minimum of 30 minutes each day and build up from there...I know that walking is a great exercise, BUT, how do I walk fast enough to make it work for me? That is the question of the hour. So aside from walking around Manhattan, I did not do any other exercising this week. I told myself today that I was going to go to spin, but I didn't than I said I would go for a walk, but I didn't...Hey this blog is about honesty, and I am being honest..Did I mention that last Thursday I was rushing to get into the city to meet them and I ate breakfast toooooo fast and I had to pull over on the side of the NJ Turnpike and I vomited! I have NEVER vomited since getting the band and I was shocked as to how this could be happening. I saw my doctor on Friday and he said that I just need to refocus and remember to eat slow, use a fork and knife and put it down in between bites...I think i got off that pace before the fill because I didn't have to, but now post fill, I need to get back to that strategy, daily. Also the doctor did say that I am reaching every milestone and he is happy with my progress. I have to remember that I did get the band, the less invasive of the bariatric surgeries. Had I had the bypass, I would have reached my goal by now BUT I am happier know that my internal organs are in tact and I am doing well...I just need to be positive, know that I am loved and wanted by many people and really not just say it but BELIEVE it...

MUCH BETTER!

I weighed myself today and I LOST 1.8 LBS (.82 kg)this week for a total of 72.4 pounds(32.84 kilograms) LOST in 56 weeks. I feel much better as I refocused myself this week, concentrated on my protein, water and exercising!

I have very little to say except that I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited becuase my cousin from venezuela and his wife are here! I have not seen him in 10 years and it is just FANTASTIC to be able to give him a hug for real as opposed to on a computer screen via SKYPE! We are going to a broadway sho tonight, taking them to see Jersey Boys. I have heard great things about that show. We will hang aroung manhattan and just enjy the quality time together.

My trainer is out of town this week, but I have been running on my own in his absence. I ran on teh treadmill yesterday, and I think I prefer running outside better but I got the session in, so I am proud of myself! Anyway, thansk for reading!

WAY OFF!

I weighed myself today and I gained 2.8 LBS (1.27 kg)this week for a total of 70.6 pounds(32.02 kilograms) LOST in 55 weeks.

Well, as tears are rolling down my cheeks, I am trying to understand this sudden change of events. I am meticulously going over this week in my head...What went wrong? The only day that I knew I "cheated" was Friday night but I cheated on Daniel Fast approved foods, nuts, fruit, hummus! COME ON! My period was over by Thursday, so that is not it....Frank did take me out to dinner but that cant be it either...I am thinking that I just was not focused this week...Did not journal, did not focus on my protein and water...That must be it, when I get distracted, this shit happens....On a better note, I worked out 4 times this week..I had a training session, indoors becuase of teh rain, I ran with Frank, did a spin class, weight workout...I mean as far as working out was concerned, thsi was a great week! Anyway, I have nothing else to say except that today is the start of a new week, a week that will allow me to redeem myself...I am now 6 pounds away from the THINNEST weight I have been in 14 years...I would have much rather been 1-2 pounds away from that goal but I made my bed and I am sleeping in it....Onward and upward...Thanks for reading....

AUNT FLOW..YOU WHORE! LOL

I weighed myself today and I LOST 1.2 LBS (.54 kg)this week for a total of 73.4 pounds (33.29 kilograms) in 54 weeks.

As per the title of this weeks entry, one can tell that it is that time of the month again...a time EVERY woman dreads, unless you are having some sort of a pregnancy scare and you rejoice when she arrives! I have been really grumpy and moody of course...Luckily, I did get some quality workouts in this week..I would like to give a shout out to my trainer who pushes me soooooo hard and I seriosuly am cursing him for the whole hour but I am improving and become more agile and just the idea of being able to run for longer distances each week makes me borderline gitty!! Did I mention that he is from England and he often suggests that I have a banana after we are done but with his English Accent it sounds like "Buh-NAH-NA!" I did my fastest sprint this week..when we made it back to the apartment, even Frank commented on how much quicker it was this week! His workout was soooo hard this week that after it was over, I layed down flat on my face and stayed there for about 30 minutes until I had the strength to get up!

I am crazy busy at work, but I am still LOVING IT! Looking forward to a long career at this school...God Willing! The Daniel Fast is going well..I am over the initial SHOCK of not watching my show for hours a day...My eating is coming along nicely, since the fill. I am a little peaved that I onlylost 1.2 pounds this week, but I am sooooo bloated from Aunt Flow, it was expected as she always throws a curve ball at me everytime she comes for a visit! I am just in a word "trucking!" Every ounce lost puts me that much closer to my Biggest Loser moment and the most KICK ASS SKINNY PARTY this side of the Mason Dixon! LOL Anyway, that is all for now...thanks for reading!

What a CHANGE!

I weighed myself today and I LOST 2.4 LBS (1.09 kg)this week for a total of 72.2 pounds (32.75 kilograms) in 53 weeks. I HAVE LOST THE WEIGHT THAT I GAINED WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR MY FILL PLUS MORE!

I worked out with my trainer again this week and I was able to do the running workout we did last week slightly faster, which is good...BUT, let me tell you, RUNNING IS FRICKEN HARD! HOLY COW! You will never know how in shape or out of shape you are until you try and run! Sooooo proud of myself that I am actually able to run a little and looking forward to getting better and better. I could not go to spin on Monday because I had a date with my dentist...5 needles, that AWFUL drill and a swollen lip...that is how I left...I did do 2 weight workouts this week and my goal for next week is to add a walk with Frank...

Frank and I went out to his favorite Chinese restaurant Saturday night and I ate like 1/5 of my meal...I LOVE IT! LOL, I feel great! Actually chewing and savoring each bite is entirely different than feeding from the trough once the dinner bell rang, LOL!

Well I have about 3 months AKA 12 weigh ins until I leave for Venezuela and I have to say I am really excited on one hand to see my family but PETRIFIED of those itty bitty airplane seats! :( I mean I usually fly with Frank or with someone else and I can lift the arm rest up and sort of overlap onto them...Sooooo CANNOT do that this time, and I am just not sure how this is going to work..The plane ticket is expensive enough in coach that I DO NOT have the money to upgrade to First class where the seats are bigger...Let's just PRAY that it all works out and I can buckle the belt and fit in that seat.

Today kicked off a 21 day fast at my church (www.liquidchurch.com). Because of the band I could not fast from food BUT I gave up something SOOOOO HUGE: SEINFELD!!! NO Seinfeld for 21 days, I cannot even imagine! I usually watch at least 4 episodes a day and twice that on the weekend, and as you know I interject Seinfeld quotes into EVERY conversation, so I am certainly feeling this BIG TIME...But with the extra time, I was able to pray and study the Bible a lot more than normal...Expecting God to do GREAT things during the next 3 weeks... Until Next time, Thanks for reading!

One Year Already!

I weighed myself today and I LOST 7.8 LBS (3.54 kg)this week for a total of 69.8 pounds (31.66 kilograms) in 52 weeks. BACK ON TRACK...THANKS TO THE FILL I JUST HAD!

Well it was one year ago this week that I had the surgery that would change my life. I am not not going to lie, I would have liked to have reached the 100 pound mark at this point but the last 3 months, fighting with the insurance and waiting for the fill and indulging (can't forget that!) have not made it easy. But the band is tighter now..Trying to determine if it is tight enough at this point, seems to be, so we shall see.

I did an AMAZING workout this past saturday...I RAN! I ran a lot for me...the workout was an hour long with periods of walking and running sprints. I ran longer, farther and with greater intensity. When I reached the door I could barely breathe. I felt like I was put through the ringer. I was DRENCHED in sweat, which does not really happen for me so I was impressed. I also did a spin class as well. I wanted to go to Spin tonight (Monday) but my legs are like jello, still! So I did some upper body work with my Bob Harper DVD.

I feel sooooo much better now that I have the fill and the only thing I can say is I will keep on trucking! LOL I am exhasuted, thanks for reading!

YIKES!

OK so let me be real for a moment. If you have been a loyal reader you know that I have promised to be honest. I have described my OBSESSION with food which has led me to become obese and ultimately why I got the surgery in the first place. you will also recall that the last few months have been INSANELY hard for me because I needed a fill soooooooo badly and I was unable to because I was fighting my insurance company. So over the last 3 weeks, I did not even feel the band. I was exactly how I was pre surgery...Dreaming about food, tasting everything, eating like I was going to the chair! I have to say, I ENJOYED MORSEL that touched my tongue, including the Chocolate lava cake filled with melted peanut butter and vanilla ice cream on top that I had for my anniversary. Oh did I mention, the cheese steak egg rolls? How does one see such a concoction and not try that??? LOL Anyway, I weighed myself today and I am PAYING THE PIPER BIG TIME! I weighed myself this week and I GAINED A TON!!! Mind you some is period weight, but for the most part, this weigh in is all my doing, it is all because of the binging I have done for the last 21 days! Are you ready? I am going to tell you, but you might want to sit down for this...I GAINED 9.4 POUNDS (4.26 kg)!!! THERE I SAID IT! I have lost a total of 62 pounds (28.12 kilograms) in 51 weeks.

I have a friend who said, "Did you learn anything?" "Didn't you learn how to eat less etc..Well My answer to that is NOOOOOOOO! I got this surgery because I NEEDED IT! If I would have been able to get the fill when I needed it, I GUARANTEE you that I WOULD HAVE NOT gained this weight! A food obsession, more like a food ADDICTION is what I have....The good news is that tomorrow morning, I am getting my long OVER DUE FILL, and back on track I will be...I thought about not being honest, but that is NOT the point of this blog...Let me be clear, I have eaten very out of control over the last few weeks...The stress of fighting my insurance, missing my mom like crazy and just life in general were the catalysts, but I DID it..I ate and ate and ate..I ate sport of like a Great White Shark, I mean it was almost as if I were unconscious and my eyes rolled over white and I was eating while in a trance like state! So I have beaten my self up ENOUGH..So if you are going to post something Negative, DON'T BOTHER! I have a food addiction, which is NO DIFFERENT than a cocaine addiction..I understand it is important for me to get to the reasons behind why I eat soooo much,and I am committed to do so, HOWEVER, I need this fill and I need it soooo badly! Anyway, thanks for reading, and tomorrow, my journey continues with the proper help that I desperately need!

GREAT NEWS!!

I weighed myself this week and I STAYED THE SAME. I have lost a total of 71.4 pounds (32.4 kilograms) in 50 weeks. I THANKFULLY HAVE GREAT NEWS!!!! I am getting my LONG OVER DUE band adjustment next Wednesday!!! SOOOOOO EXCITED because I have not done much of anything in the last several weeks because the band is too damn loose! Looking forward to getting back on track and proceeding to my first MAJOR goal of 100 pounds lost! Nothing else to say really, I have been doing some upper body weights and taking some leisure walks with Frank. One more week till I can return to my running regimen and to spin class! 8 DAYS TILL MY JOURNEY IS BACK ON TRACK! I guess it would not be called a journey if there were not some detours along the way, thanks for reading!

Drama and Injuries!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST .4 pounds (.18 Kg). I have lost a total of 71.4 pounds (32.4 kilograms) in 49 weeks. Well it is a loss, I need a fill soooooo badly! I am going to be trying to work on something today. You see they do fills every day at the office and if I can get them to agree to do it there in light of my insurance issue..maybe I will pay the difference if it is not INSANE..Then maybe I can get it done sooner and reach my goal of 100 lbs by my 1 year surgery anniversary. that would make me super excited. I call over there today, so say a prayer!

Two weeks ago, I did a workout to my Biggest Loser DVD in my living room and I did the workout in my socks...Well this apparently is a HUGE NO NO! Ever since then my foot has been bothering me but I have been fighting through it, something I have done for years...Well this past Saturday, I worked out with my trainer and we started running. I was thrilled because I felt great, cardiovascular, but my foot was throbbing! It hurt so bad, I have been limping ever since. So today I went to the Doctor, GOT ANOTHER cortisone injection and was fitted with a boot! I have to stay off of it for 2 weeks! My doctor said that after the 2 weeks, he encourages me to continue doing my run sprints because the more weight I get off the better my feet will feel..Anyway, I learned my lesson about working out in socks! I just did not think I needed sneakers in my living room! I must add that I was really impressed with my running pace and I think this will only get better. I also did DIPS! I was able to do 15 of them without stopping..THIS IS A HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT, as I was never able to do them before

So as you can see..although my weight is not going anywhere, I am maintaining until I get my fill BUT I have had several nice exercise accomplishments..My plan for the next two weeks is to just do upper body, weights, and the pool! Thanks for reading...

Night before...

I weighed myself this week and I STAYED THE SAME. I have lost a total of 71.2 pounds (32.3 kilograms) in 48 weeks. On one hand it is good that OI did not gain, considering how I am struggling but I am pissed nonetheless. I have 4 more weeks until the one year anniversary of my surgery and I wanted to be further along than I am....

On a good note, I did my measurements this week and I have lost a total of 39.75 inches off of my body since my surgery...That is over 3 ft, or a small child! LOL, Since my last measurements were taken 3 months ago, I have lost 6.25 inches...So if I am trying to look on thr bright side, I do have that...I also have perserverence, becuase I will get there, and I cannot wait!


I am writing this blog entry on Monday, contemplating as to what my morning weigh in will be like. You see, it is no secret that I am struggling. I need a fill and I cannot get one until April 20th at 8am...The reason for this is that my insurance changed and I was able to get my insurance company to pay my doctor his fees BUT they will only cover services in the hospital...So I cannot go to his office for a fill...He only goes to hospitals on Wednesday mornings and since I am not tenured and I recently took off two emergency days from work, I am basically screwed until my next Wednesday off which is not until spring break!!! I was sooooooooooooooooooooo depressed this past week that I actually DID not eat Anything for 2 days, and we all know that is not good, if I could explain my actions, I would, but I cannot. When I finally got out of my funk, I ate well, but not crazy...I am being soooo much more conscientious about my food choices and trying to cut my portions down even more..However, when the band is filled to that "sweet spot," I can eat a reasonable meal and not be hungry for 4-5 hours, now I am hungry in 2.5! This presents a variety of issues for me, as I find myself thinking and fantasizing about food much more than I should...In addition, when I worked out this week, my foot started hurting again so I had to take a few days off from intense working out. So even though I am going for walks and lifting weights, I am not spinning or doing intense fat burning cardio until I can manage the foot pain..So you see I have no idea what tomorrow will bring...

swimming!

I weighed myself this week and I lost 3/4 pounds. I have lost a total of 71.2 pounds (32.3 kilograms) in 47 weeks. I have nothing to say except that I am pressing on, moving forward and I WILL REACH MY GOAL NO MATTER WHAT! I am completely EXHAUSTED...Peace out for now..

OH BOY!

I weighed myself this week and I GAINED 1 pound (.45 kg)!!!! I have lost a total of 70.6 pounds (32.02 kilograms) in 46 weeks.

I NEED A FILL REALLY BADLY!!! Since I made the big drop, my band is now much looser, and therefore I am able to eat more. Unfortunately, my doctor only does this procedure on Wednesday mornings and since I already took off 2 sick days, I spoke to my boss and she would prefer that I have this procedure done when we are off. The next Wednesday that I am off is April 20!!!!! That means I some how have to figure out how to continue losing weight with MINIMAL help from this band as it is very lose and my appetite is much LARGER than it has been in recent months. Please provide me with your suggestions as I am FREAKED OUT as how I am supposed to make it until April 20th, doing this all by myself..My track record over the last 32 years dieting on my own HAS NOT been very successful, hence the need for the band in the first place!!! LORD I NEED YOUR HELP HERE!!!! Anyway, I have nothing else to say, I worked out 4 times this week and still gained weight, if that gives you any indication as to how lose this band is! Thanks for reading, send your prayers and any useful advice you may have...Until next week

GRRRRRR!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I lost .2 pounds (.09 kg)!!!! I have lost a total of 71.6 pounds (32.48 kilograms) in 45 weeks.

I am DEFINITELY pissed! I stayed the same last week and was sure that I would see a nice drop this week...I really have no idea what is happening inside my body! Unfortunately, last night was my dad's birthday and maybe, just maybe. the meal I had which included some french fries, just a few, made me not lose this week...I don't know! All I know is the longer it takes me to lose this 3.5 pounds, the longer my husband is going to continue to have two boxes of Good humor Chocolate Eclairs for Dessert (he did that this weekend!)I worked out with a trainer this week and started my workout routine again, so that is another reason why I am really confused...The only other thing I can think of is that my period is coming next week, maybe that's it...I also feel like I am in need of my second fill, but since I had that emergency last week and took some days off of work, I cannot take anymore and the fills are done during the week only! So I have to wait until I have a day off to get one! Anyway, I am really, REALLY pissed this morning! Until next week, hopefully, I will have good news!

You will NEVER believe this one!

I weighed myself this week and I stayed the same!!!! I have lost a total of 71.4 pounds (32.39 kilograms) in 44 weeks.

Before you get all freaked out,let me share the events of the last 5 days and you will understand, possibly, why I did not lose this week. On Thursday, while at work, I started having some lower abdominal pains which I attributed to my need to use the bathroom. After "making a deposit," the pains went away. So clearly that was the cause...anyway, on Friday night, the pain came back but this time it was EXCRUCIATING and by Saturday I was in the fetal position on my living room floor, screaming for my husband to shoot me in the head! My husband originally thought it was band related so he called the Bariatric Surgeon, but the position of the pain was no where near the band. When I arrived at the Emergency Room, the doctors thought it was kidney stones, but that was soon ruled out. While they were waiting for their tests, they pumped me with a variety of narcotics to relieve the pain. Thankfully it went away, but I was scared as to what the heck was wrong with me. After CAT SCANS, and ultrasounds, may I add that this ultrasound was both external and internal and the internal one was 40 minutes long with a probe the size of THE BIGGEST, TALLEST, BLACK MAN'S PENIS YOU COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE EXISTED!! AWFUL experience! It came back that I have large ovarian cysts on my ovaries. They gave me more pain meds and sent me home Saturday. They wanted me to go to a gynecologist on Monday to follow up with those cysts to see if they needed to be surgically removed.

So now it is Sunday, and I am home, and I am not sure if you know this but pain medicines, specifically narcotics, can cause serious constipation. So my tummy starts to bother me again but it ws in a different spot. The pain Saturday, was more over my ovaries, this time it was higher like near my intestines. So I am thinking, wow, I am really constipated. So I try and deal with it. I am up ALL NIGHT long, in pain, trying to use the bathroom but nothing is working. I am seriously freaked out at this point. Frank takes me to my gynecology appointment at the hospital on Monday and I am once again probed and prodded by 4 different doctors. I seriously think everyone in that hospital stuck their fingers up my vagina that day, except of course FRANK! LOL...The team of gynecologists which included a very young medical student and three doctors wanted to rule out "ovarian torsion," which is when the ovaries twist around the cyst. If this is the case, I need emergency surgery for removal. So they were sending me out patient back to ultrasound. However, on the way out, I got dizzy, almost fainted and my blood pressure spiked really high. So they admitted me back into the ER, where I stayed for 10 hours. This turned out to be 10 hours with out food or water just an IV pumping me with fluids. The diagnosis this time was NOT "ovarian torsion" rather good old constipation, caused by all the pain medicines they gave me on SATURDAY! Also the agonizing pain on Saturday was caused because I was ovulating and one of the cysts is very large. I have to keep an eye on these cysts to make sure they do not get any larger, and after I have children, they recommend their removal. Bottom line, I still have not emptied my bowels and I was pumped with soooo much fluid,the fact that I stayed the same this week is a true miracle! Anyway, thanks for reading! Hopefully, by next week, my bowels will have empotied and I will be back on track!

SOOOOOOO CLOSE!!!!!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 2 pounds (.91 kg). I have lost a total of 71.4 pounds (32.39 kilograms) in 42 weeks.

honorable mentions of the week:

I had one of my closest friends over for her Birthday dinner on Saturday, complete with homemade pizza and from scratch chocolate cake, as requested by the birthday gal...I ate my serving of pizza and salad, with a small taste of the cake that I made and was totally satisfied, HUGE accomplishment!

I also hosted a JET'S gathering on Sunday and was HORRIFIED at how I USED TO EAT! LOL...I made my traditional football subs for everyone. That would include a foot long roll stuffed with turkey, salami, ham, provolone etc, with sides of mayonnaise laden salads of all sorts and don't forget the chips and soda...Did I mention, 2 of these plates, each with a foot long would have been consumed by the old Keli...oh yeah, I did not play around! LOL...However, this year, while the rest were doing that I had my little sandwich on 100% whole wheat which I cut in half and could not finish even one half during the first sitting, probably because I had a handful of chips...regardless the quantities that I now consume compared to what I used to is just amazing. I was watching everyone eat and I could not believe the change...

Many of my readers thought the agreement for Frank to get on board was when I lost 70 pounds and I thought I should let you know, it is 75 (It was ALWAYS 75)...I am soooooo close! But he is starting to waddle, so I need to kick this in high gear! LOL

While at Costco this week, I picked up one of Bob Harper's Shred DVD's and I must say, HOLY COW!!! I like that there are 2 workouts on the DVD, one an hour and one 2o minutes, which is PERFECT in getting me acclimated back to the gym. If you recall, it has been 3 weeks since my last spin class and my injury! Even in that short period, it is an AWESOME workout which I will continue to do on my off days from spin and body works classes...I highly recommend it! Anyway, that is all for now, Thanks for reading~

THANK GOD!

I weighed myself this week and I LOST 4.6 pounds (2.09 kg). I have lost a total of 69.4pounds (31.48 kilograms) in 41 weeks. Thank GOD, I lost that gain from last week, which I still cannot explain and a little bit more. I can taste the 70 pound mark and I am excited!

Not much to report this week except that I have contacted a personal trainer. Apparently he is very good as he is highly recommended. I hope he can get me to the next level. I have a goal that I want to reach by this summer. I am traveling to Venezuela to visit my family for a few weeks and I would LOVE to wear...get ready for it...WEAR A DRESS!!! Not sure how much more I need to lose in order to feel confident enough to do so, or daring enough for that matter..I will keep you posted.

I had to switch doctors this week as my insurance changed. I am using the same doctor that a close friend just started seeing for her upcoming surgery. I need to get a fill soon. I do not like being able to eat as much as I am eating...mind you it is not that much, BUT I prefer to have the band adjusted to that sweet spot from a few months back.

I am going to the doctor today to see what in the world is going on with my foot. I have not worked out in 3 weeks because it hurts soooo badly! I hope he can give me a cortisone injection even though the ER doctor said they couldn't. Somehow I do not believe that because when I research on-line, they list the injection as an option! I just do not understand doctor's sometimes..It is almost like they would prefer you to be in agony! Anyway, thanks for reading..until next time!

HOLY SHIT!

I weighed myself this week and I GAINED MORE WEIGHT IN ONE WEEK THAN EVER BEFORE!! I WAS UP 3.8 POUNDS THIS WEEK (1.72 kg). I have lost a total of 64.8 pounds (29.39) kilograms) in 40 weeks. I wish I could confess that I ate 6 sliced of cheesecake or two dozen bagels, or I went to Five Guys and had 3 Double Burgers with Fries, but THE TRUTH is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE REASON FOR THIS SPIKE IS!!! I would have expected this after the Christmas weigh in but you all remember, I stayed the same..maybe this is the weight gain from that joy ride and is just showing up now..Is that even possible??? Honestly, I don't have a clue...I am MORTIFIED, I feel like a complete and utter failure..I do not know what to do or how to explain it but I am logging it in because that is what I do on Tuesday....I had really awful bronchitis last week and last night was in the ER because I could not walk..My feet issues flared up and I needed some Percocet! Needless to say, I did not work out at all last week..BUT beyond that, I don't know what else could be the reason...I am writing this as I NEED SOME INSPIRATION and some LIFTING UP...SO PLEASE PLEASE ENCOURAGE ME!!!! Thanks for reading and hopefully next week, the tide will change! Thanks for reading and I have wiped all my tears and am off to work...